I Dont Even Know

2006-03-27T00:21:00.000-05:00

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the new

2005-11-15T20:42:00.000-05:00

So i havent really wrote to much in here lately. It seems as though blogs and livejournals are becoming a thing of the past very fast. Im kinda ok with that cuz i hardly update this thing anyway, and who really writes their deepest personal thoughts in here anyhow? but since blog is still around i guess i will update the very few that still read this thing.

Lets see fall semester is almost over! only 9 more mwf classes! meaning even less TR classes!! Then its onto a long ass break and then some more crazy classes. But with the excitingness of the semester coming to an end also means that i better work a lil harder to get some of my not so great grades up. I completly slacked off this semester but thats ok. There are many more semesters to make up for this one im thinkin. so yup boring school... moving on

I got a tattoo last week. I donno if i really should have. to be honest i didnt give it much thought at all. i designed it a day or 2 before i actually got it and just kinda went with it. its a red heart with purple, blue and green angel wings and a yellow halo. I put it inbetween my sholderblades, which i might regret down the road. but for now i think its kinda cool. its colorful and pretty and it really didnt hurt to bad. i was suprised by that. its all mind over matter. the worst part is the itching when it starts to heal. but its all good. my mom will kill me when she finds out, but my dad and brother both think its pretty cool.

lets see, i got a bf again. and yup its alex. lol. we are gonna try to work this thing out i guess and see where it goes. its kinda weird though. like im not in the huge crushing faze like i would be if it was a new new bf. im ok without seeing him for a few days, and i trust him to not stray off. all things that wouldnt happen if it was a new new bf. so i donno. im hopeing im doing all of this for the right reasons because sometimes im confused and i question it all. I think last time i just really got bored of it. we were dating for 2 yrs and it was the same thing everyday. i just wanted something new in the relationship. sometimes i think an engagement might have done it, but then i think that we were to young. but i donno. i hear all these stories bout ppl that get engaged after months of dateing and i donno. im not saying i want him to propose to me right now. im just saying that i want this time around to be a lil more spontanious, and kept interesting. i dont want it to just become a boring lets make out and have sex type of thing. i guess im growing up and i want that to show in this relationship. in other words i have no clue what im trying to say

thats about it i guess. i dont really think to much has gone on in my life. nothing exciting ever happens, its pretty dull, hence why i dont update much. well im outtie now. peace kids.

Wonder if anyone will actually do this...

2005-11-11T17:01:00.000-05:00

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad.When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

2005-11-06T15:25:00.000-05:00

Your Personality Is
Rational (NT)
You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas.
You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy!

Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people.
In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally.

You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought.
Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals.

In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent.

At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia.

With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well.

As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly.

On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things.

its all about me

2005-11-02T22:50:00.000-05:00

Answer all questions truthfully

WHAT IF::
1. I died:
2. I kissed you:
3. I lived next door to you:
4. I started smoking:
5. I stole something:
6. I was hospitalized:
7. I ran away from home:
8. I got into a fight and you weren't there?:

:WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY::
9. Personality:
10. Eyes:
11. Hair:
12. Family:

::WOULD YOU::
13. Be my friend?
14. Keep a secret if I told you one?
15. Hold my hand?
16. Take a bullet for me?
17. Keep in touch?
18. Try and solve my problems?
19. Love me?
20. Date me?

::HAVE YOU EVER::
21. Lied to make me feel better?
22. Wanted to kiss me?
23. Wanted to kill me?
24. Broke my heart?
25. Kept something important from me?
26. Thought I was unbearably annoying?

::AND MORE::
27. Who are you?
28. Are we friends?
29. When and how did we meet?
30. Describe me in one word:
31. What was your first impression?
32. Do you still think that way about me now?
33. What reminds you of me?
34. If you could give me anything, what would it be?
35. How well do you know me?
36. When's the last time you saw me?
37. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

Reality

2005-10-22T00:30:00.000-04:00

So ive been thinking lately and im just not ready for this. when the two worlds start to mix it all seems silly. things dont seem as important as they used to. im not ready for the two worlds to mix, im not ready to face reality. i still want that place to run away to and pretend im someone im not. someone thats happy, inlove with everything, and doesnt have a care in the world. i still wanna be that little girl that sneaks out in the middle of the night to have the time of her life, that nobody knows about. but then i think its time to find me, the real me and stop living this pretend life. i cant be that girl anymore, i need to face reality and start being a new me, a real me. i just dont think im ready and i dont know if i ever will be.

Oooooooh Canada!!!!

2005-10-02T12:03:00.000-04:00

K yesterday was the funnest day ever! First I took a little trip home to Buffalo with my kids, Ivy Steff and even Shannon!! When we arived at my house Shannon got to meet my uncle (with no prior warnings) He just got outta jail and he was being very creepy, like worse than normal. He had a dead squrial that he was playing with and a meat cleaver. It was wicked gross but extremely funny. Shannon of course took a picture and will probably tell many stories about how i am related to this scary man.

Next we went to go visit my mom at work. K so she works at a hospital and we all know that sometimes ppl die there, so of course they have to have a morg. Well we decided it would be cool to see it. And we did! Steff and Shannon were a lil freaked out that, Steff more than Shannon. Shannon again took pictures of the room that they do the cutting and stuff. That room was wicked awesome. We did get to see a dead body to. It was in a bag and soooo cool. They told us about how they cut them, and how that room is usually full of blood when they do. Steff didnt like hearing that, but i thought it was wicked awesome. So yea that was Shannons first time in my home town. haha. I dont think she is ever going back. But That was awesomely fun. Oh and Ivy was the Slut and not me!! Thanks Mom OH and we couldnt leave Buffalo without getting mighty. Oh and Shawn McNet works there? I got to talk to him and catch up. It was cool, and i was a lil nervous. The whole Ex bf/ hottie thing still throws me off.

WARNING THIS SECTION WILL NOT BE IN ORDER AND IVY WILL HAVE TO EDIT IT ALONG THE WAY

K now comes the fun part. CANADA!!! Oh man did we have the best time of our lives. Ivy was stuck DDing which kinda stunk but it was alright cuz even she had fun. Canada is a very pretty place and all the funny colored lights and stuff were sweeto. But ne way, we go into Boston Pizza and got ourselfs a table and some drinks. It was cool to show my REAL ID and get served alchy. We let Ivy have one drink cuz she couldnt just not have one, she got purple rain and that was tastey, Steff got a Strawberry explosion, Shannon got some Canadian Beer (toughin it out) and i got my Strawberry Daquorie. mmm we know how to start it off. Then the drinks consisted of 5 long island ice teas, 5 or 6 shots of soco, 2 soco drinks (and shannons too), more strawberry explosion. and that was just for me. I dont really remember what else was in there, but I drank a lot lol. And the cowboy baught me a shot to, gotta love cowboys. (ivy u might need to fix this cuz u were the sober one)

Lets see, what funny things can we say bout Steff. lol She started the night off with her strawbery explosion, then a long island icetea, then a soco drink, 3 shots of soco, and 2 more strawberry explosions. Steff felt funny at first, drinking with little kids and parents around. There was this one lil girl walking by and Steff was like "hey lil girl, check this out" haha and decided to suck down some strawberry explosion . while walking around the little strip, Steff runs right into a guard rail outside of rumors. It was wicked loud too and extremly funny. Someone asked where the yellow brick road was, and Steff told them, not here. It was funny. Oh Steff was left with some creepy man and i think his name was brent or soemthing. It started with a B. We came back from the bathroom and Steff was like "Im goign to kill you" it was delitefull to hear lol.

Shannons night consisted of being drunk after the first drink and a half. Lets see what she drank shall we? Her canadian beer, long island ice tea, soco drink, and 2 shots of soco, and i believe 2 or 3 drinks with the cowboy. and yes ive mentioned a cowboy all threw this and here is where that comes in. Shannon saw a man with a cowboy hat on. lol. she thought he was wicked hot. So we were standing near him "ordring drinks" and shannon poked the cowboy. haha i didnt think she actually did it, and then she says should i do it again. and we were like u didnt really do it the first time, and she was like yea i did, and she poked him right in the butt. lol. i dont think i ever laughed so hard in my life. it was deff awesome. He was an older man but thats shannons style. i guess it was his 26th birthday. Who knows but she wanted to make out with him sooo bad. and guess what, we left her alone for a little while. not to far dont worry we dont leave our friends drunk in random bars. SHE DIDNT MAKE OUT WITH HIM!!! what a loser. haha love u shannon. she was so mad that she didnt to. it was wicked funny. as we were leaving she said that she would kiss him if we stoped the jeep and went back. but we all know thats not true so we didnt. Oh and Shannon, remember that time where u picked on the name Ashley for a guy and then ur cowboys name turned out to b ashley haha, i do.

So yea just some random things now. Deanna Ventura was there!!! How excited was I? I sat with her and we talked, Ivy gave her the cell phone number so that was awesome. And by the time I saw De i was wasted lol. Sry De. Cassie was there to, and i sat with some random boy in order to sit next to her. He was kinda cute.... I think. So yea next time we are going with De, or maybe not next time, but one time we are lol. There were a bunch of kids from my highschool there and that was weird. Daniell Toroldo (sry bout spelling) was there, and she said hi to me. But its weird cuz she never did when we were in highschool. i dont even know. Courtney Clee was there to, which was also weird. She used my celli and i dont even think she knew who i was, she was way to trashed. lol. But there were other random west kids there that i dont even know, and i didnt reallly like it. lol. Im used to boston where i dont see any of them.

Well yea, im not even sure what else to put in here. it was the best time ever and i cant wait to do it again with the girls.

Answers

2005-09-22T15:48:00.000-04:00

I just want the answers, I want everything to be straight up and know whats going on. i hate not knowing things. There are just so many things right now. (and yes i know this doesnt make any sence)

Things Will Never Be The Same

2005-09-10T18:05:00.000-04:00

This is for a boy that i thought was a great friend

When the tables turn again
You'll remember me my friend
You'll be wishing I was there for you

I'll be the one you'll miss the most
But you'll only find my ghost
As time goes by
You'll wonder why
You're all alone

So thank you for showing me
That best friends can not be trusted
And thank you for lying to me
Your friendship and good times we had
You can have them back

"Tell me that your alright, and everything is alright"

2005-09-07T18:42:00.000-04:00

Im thinkin everything is cool right now. i like how things are going, i like knowing things. i like that my friends know what im really thinking. i like that i dont have to keep the secret of me possibly transfering, i like new friends, i like new options, i like that i am starting to figure out who i am, i like trying new things, i like doing old things, i like talking to my roomit, i like knowing how dave really feels, i like knowing that certian ppl are just scum, i like everything that is going on right now. im not afraid of anything, i can do ne thing i want and nothin can hold me back now. im me and ppl are just going to have to accept it!

Birthdays are over

2005-09-05T11:17:00.000-04:00

So my birthday weekend and birthday is officially over. Its the morning after my actually birthday, a time where i usually think bout what the hell i did the night before. Well let me tell u.... I had a kick ass time!! (for the most part) We made up this rule that anytime u came in the room u had to take a shot, but never alone of course so u had to get someone else in the room. Pretty much that meant everyone in the room most of the time. It was a fun time with that. My best friend from Texas came and got drunk for the very first time in her life. That was deff a funny thing to see, and dont u worry, we taped some of it. I havent looked at the tape yet so i donno how drunk she really was at the time. but she did get pretty trashed. Ivy drank a lot real fast and puked. The only puker of the night. but it wasnt to bad. Shannon was just worried someone was gonna puke on her toothpaste lol. that was funny. nobody did or even get close. umm we chilled with a boy named matt. He very possibly could have been ivy's newest boy until i fucked that one up. i had to test him, i didnt trust him, and i had every right not to. All in all lets just say he failed. But it was mostly innocent so i like to view it as helpin a friend. probably not the best way to go about it, but i was drunk so thats ok. I love u Ivy and i just want u to b safe. but im thinkin if ivy says its cool we are just gonna let eachother do what we do and see if that works. take care of the broken pieces instead of not letting eachother do ne thing at all. it gets kinda boring protecting eachother from things that we might not even need protection from. so i think shannon is right. we need to let eachother live a lil. oh i deff promote shannon to a ROOMIT!! welcome to the roomit club friendalo. It seems like i am getting along with shannon so much more lately. i donno, it might b because of my interest for luke but its cool. i like chillin with her. oh and speaking of luke, who never showed up last night. what a jerk lol. a girl that u like likes u back and ur not gonna show up for her bday?? weird. but thats ok, i had so much fun anyway and im sure there will b other chances to b with luke. non drunken ones to. lol. so we made a new friend named walter yesterday. im not really gonna tell u bout him. those of u that know him already know how cool walter is lol. umm i donno i think thats bout it for the bday things.

so now onto a diff topic. i think a lot of ppl (my friends) all seem a lil distant. like lonelyish and i donno. we arent really like we were last yr. things seem a lot diff. maybe it was being apart all summer and they just miss their other friends too. im sure everyone will b cool again. its just weird to see them like this. the appear kinda hurt adn it kinda scares me. but im sure it will b ok, at least i hope. well kids im outtie Thanks to all for my happy birthday!!

Birthday

2005-09-03T22:06:00.000-04:00

isnt ur birthday suppost to b a happy day? well this weekend has been the worst. maybe my actual birthday will b so much better

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRIEND

2005-09-03T15:19:00.000-04:00

Today is one of my best friend's birthday!! So im thinkin that this should b a lil somethin cool for u my friend.

Lets travel back in time to the 7th grade and remember all the fun stuff we have done together to make us best friends.....

7th grade began our friendship when Kenmore Middle accidently put u, harvey, anna and i all in the same classes. what were they thinking? We started bonding the min we both saw nick and decided we both really wanted him. again what were we thinking lol. Remember when we would fight over who would get him first? lol i deff won that one, but it was so much fun sharing the lil things about him with u. It would b so funny whenever we would b like omg did u see nick today he looked sooooo good. lol. or when we would b like omg nick accidently touched me, im never gonna wash my hand again lol. Halloween with nick was wicked funny too. We would fight over who would help nick because he couldnt see where he was going wiht that silly costume on. Then going to his house and we were like dieing. I loved all the random nick times ive had with u and im really glad that he could b one of the reasons that we are best friends. I loved that he was my first crush and that i got to share that with u.

Now lets remember the videos we made for classes shall we? lol. The Anna Banana show and the Sarah oh man what was the name of that show? "I didnt do it" Those 2 videos were deff my favorites. Saying that Nick, or should i say george was one of our guests lol. And dealing with ur dad saying this light just isnt right. Haha and the commercials that we made. I cant believe u made us do a cover girl commercial. That was wicked funny, and so dorky. But w/e makes u happy lol. Oh and who could forget the Shilo video. That was the dumbest video i think we will ever make. Im pretty sure my college ones are so much better than that one lol. Why would we ever make me bark as the dog and have anna's sister translate? lol. Oh boy. At least the purple fence was in the video lol. Those videos were so much fun and brought the 4 of us so much closer.

8Th grade tallent show was interesting too. At first u wanted to b in it and we started making up dances with u in ur yard. lol. that was so much fun, and we were so horrible. I think we smashed anna's head on ur driveway so many times with that nsync flip thing lol. but it was awesome. You deff should have stuck with it. we deff didnt want a 7th grader in the performance with us but we didnt have any choice w/out u lol.

The Fersom Foursome was deff an amazing title to have with u and the other 2 girls. I loved that everyone knew us as the bestest friends in kenmore middle and thats how it should have stayed forever. anytime i needed you or any of them you guys were there for me. it was the best to have a best friend like u by my side every day. oh and remember in the mornings we would wait by that tree b4 school would start. and anytime we saw u we would scream ur name lol. oh and remember every tuesday morning when harvey and i were in the newspaper we would skip the newspaper and walk to ur house and get dunken doughnuts lol. what great times.

Chours was kick ass back then to. Mrs. Alks was so sweet. Gold with distinction was the best. i couldnt have stuck in there without u. I hated it for the longest time but i stayed in it cuz i wanted to chill with u and the other 2 girls. we had so much fun in that classroom and compeeting. oh and the posters we got to put up on the walls lol. how random and funny was that?

Then we moved onto our highschool years and u made me join sorority. what were u thinking? what are we ever thinking? Do i even need to go into the sorority pledging times? lol ok i will anyway. Everymornign going to ur house was so much fun. lol there was no way i was going to school with out u looking like that. Wet wednesday lol, need i say more? dressing up in my bathing suite, towel, elephant floatie, goggles and geled back hair. oh my. and you were no better, bathing suite, towel, noodel and slicked back hair. lol. how funny was that. and i still have the pics. there were so many other crazy outfits we had to wear but that one was deff my fav. and hell night. oh my did that sux ass. that was the worst scavanger hunt i have ever done and the worst day ever. your mom was so amazing that night with the cloths and stuff. but eww. i couldnt eat anything forever without feeling sick. and i couldnt stand the smell of myself forever even though i was clean. lol. but it was all worth it in the end. being in sorority was so much fun with u. im glad we got to do that together. formals and masquarades were so much fun. and just chillin at mers house was so fun. and the lil sisters. oh man did i love when they baked for me. lol. it was deff an adventure and it was so much fun.

everything we have ever done together has been a blast. i miss highschool days with u and birthdays and just everything involving u. u are one of my best friends and i love u. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

First Week at da Port

2005-09-01T18:25:00.000-04:00

So the first week is coming to an end. It was deff an eventful week to say the least. Moving in, saving a crippled man, chillin with everyone, classes, room decorating, RA meeting and everything in between. My classes deff got messed up this week. I found out that i dont need my french class because for some super reason Latin American Women covers like 5 different things, including the Language requirement!! So i was gonna drop that and add a diff class and move another. wow did it get messed up. i ended up with 9 credits in the end totalling 3 classes. No good is what im thinkin. But now its pretty much fixed. I got back into the world music class just on a diff day and with Erika, and tomorrow i should be able to get into my elementary stats class so i will b back up to 15 credits. so yeah!! lol So everything is seeming cool. We met Shannons cousins and the one boy seems really cool. Im thinkin i want to get to know him better. Ivy is just kinda chillin in our room all the time. Which is cool with me cuz i still have my bed all to myself, sry bout the floor dawg. i feel really bad with the whole situation. i just really donno what to do bout it. but for right now it seems like its just gonna have to work like this. The new roomie seems pretty cool. I donno if i would call her a roomit yet, but deff not a roomate. more of a roomie lol. she seems pretty cool, and she has a lot in common with each of us. I put more pics on my wall today and im thinkin it looks hot. It deff makes me miss my blo kids though, and im just thinkin bout my decisions that ive made in the last yr. I havent been in blo as much as i should and i really think i want to b with all of them. umm i donno if dave is really likeing me anymore. he has totally changed his mood towards me in the last couple of days. the first few days he was so excited to see me, and now i just kinda feel like a bother to him. im thinkin im just gonna back off. but im deff likeing that boy so i dont wanna at all. its so confusing. i just wish i knew what he was thinkin. oh well. i think i put enough in here for now... my bday is this weekend and shannon is hookin us up with mad alchy!!! im wicked excited!! so im sure i will blog after all of that!! oh and anyone is welcome to come to the bday craziness this weekend here at brockport. peace out for now kids

Oh the Excitment

2005-08-30T22:00:00.000-04:00

So i was gonna wait till the end of the week for this blog but it just couldnt wait any longer and im bored. Move in day was kick ass. the first person everyone saw was brie though, does she ever go away? nope didnt think so. but luckly that was the only time i saw her! So yea, we got to school (ivy and I) and got me signed in with Erika and then got a phone call from my ROOMIT!! She had arived. So we got her signed in too, and guess who we saw... DAVE!! It was exciting major. So yea, we moved all our stuff upstairs and then moved ivy into her dorm (across campus) and then headed back to Mortimer! We got our room set up in just a few hours and it kicks ass. We met the new girl shannon and she seems pretty cool. She has a lot in common with us so thats awesome. umm yup. most of the stuff i wanna put in here bout the weekend i kinda cant cuz certain ppl read this and i dont wanna seem like a dork. So i will just skip to monday. First day of classes yeah!! 4 hours worth for me starting at 8:15 am. classes werent to bad. i had sociology, anthropology (that i droped already), world music and latin american women. fun stuff i know. oh my monday night we drove to rochester to get art supplies for steff. there was this man in a wheel chair slumped over. it was so scary. so we went to the hospital that was real close and told them all about the man. and they told us that he was fine. we were gonna save his life though, but i guess a slumped over man in a wheelchair is normal? umm yup skipping more stuff for dork reasons. tuesdays classes were awesome. Criminal justice oh and the dreaded french. im getting the hang of the french and CJ is super ez. so yeah. i love bport and i love my roomits. and life is grand! Im still missin some things in mass though, but maybe soon enough that can b fixed, but im not thinking it really will. well kids im outtie

Its Time

2005-08-26T19:56:00.000-04:00

So its that time again, finally time to get back to da port. Tomorrow is the day, at 9 am we all move back into our new dorms and b hapy campers in hampers again. I totally cant wait, Ivy and I are all packed up and the jeep is completly packed. Its so exciting cuz my roomito is on the way tonight and we might be going bowling together. Its awesome. i cannot wait. I got to hang out with Dave and Neil the other night to!! and Erika called last night! its awesome to hear and see from all the bport kids again. I cant wait to move in and i prob wont b able to sleep at all tonight. yeah im so excited!!

2005-08-20T13:57:00.000-04:00

Wow i havent updated this thing in like forever. The summer is coming to an end and right now im kinda mixed bout it. I love Brockport so very much. Everyone there is so amazing and i cant wait to see them all again. But i do love Massachusetts. Im pretty sure its the best place ever. I have cool friends, a family that actually cares, a boy, and a kick ass job. Its gonna b sad to leave it all behind but i know i will totally forget bout it when i get to da port. Also im not sure if Ivy is coming back or not. She got approved for her loan but i donno if it was in time or not. so im a bit worried. but everything will b fine. we have a diff roomate in our room. donno if thats good or not. her name is shannon out of all names. i wish it was our shannon but its not.

Im excited to go to blo for a few days. i get to see phil!! thats all i care bout is seeing phil! Oh i get to see my father, donno how thats gonna go. i dont really like him at all, but he is giving me money and a car if i want it. so it should b ok. living with my mom for like 2 days should b fun... not.

umm i had lots of other things to put in here but i dont remember them now, and im kinda rushed for time cuz i have to go to work, so im just gonna update again later. peace kids

Answers

2005-08-08T17:35:00.000-04:00

I dont really like to talk bout whats bothering me. At school I would tell Ivy over instant messaging cuz i never wanted to tell her to her face, no matter what it was. So i guess this is my way of telling her now cuz we share the same compy for the summer. So are u ready Dawg....?

First off... the never ending Steve issue. Im wicked happy that u havent seen him since b4 i came here. In the back of my mind im still thinking that u see him in secret. but since that is in the back of my mind, its semi ok. I would deff kill u if i found that out though. Daddy's comment bout him pissed me off wicked bad. Thats what started all of this today. When i think bout Steve it just reminds me off all the shit u put me threw. Saying that u would always chose friends over boys and that it wasnt that hard of a decision. and that u knew what u had to do, but took forever to do it. and just everything involved with it. every little detail, every day. each day that i woke up feeling like i just didnt want to continue, and every night thinking why do i bother. Thats how my summer went every day until i came here. I like that it has changed, and now the thought of hanging out with him comes back, and im just thinkin here we go again. now i know u say u dont like him as more than a friend and yea thats cool, i kinda believe u, but still... everything comes back and i dont like having to think bout those days where i just didnt wanna deal anymore

Next the new boy. We all know this is not love, and that it is or would have been just a summer fling. and yes yes i know bout the rules. but i guess that could b another thing that i guess i will throw in here instead of the boy right now. my rules were so based upon what my mother wanted in life. what she thought she should have done cuz she was pissed off that she lives a horrible life. i didnt want that for me and thats why i made up those rules. and yes i know they might have effected the steve thing a little but even without the rules it would prob b just bout the same. so yea. that leaves me to not knowing what the fuck to do with the rules. im thinkin just throw them out and do w/e comes natural. but then im waiting for u to throw that in my face and i hate shit like that. so i really donno what to do. according to me i have no rules as of right now

k so now back to the boy thing. rules aside. i think in order for me to actually not do ne thing, im going to need a reason. like its only a summer thing so i dont see the big deal. im not gonna do ne thing wicked bad with the kid. i just like him and its hard to say no to certain things. (yes i know ur mad now) like if u like him i understand, if u think that he isnt gonna chill with u then ur deff wrong. things will b just like they always were pretty much. he isnt going to ditch u or steele or ne thing like that. i dont even know what else it could b. it cant b that he is like a brother to u, cuz umm steele. lol. (stupid me) so i donno. i really wanna b like ok i will just do what i do for a month cuz u did. but i donno, im thinkin im in so much pain still from ur month that i dont want to do that to u. but im not thinkin u would get as mad as i did. and my thoughts of u not being emotional kinda tempt me to play with them a lil. now that does sound mean, but i couldnt think of any other way to say it. its not meant to b mean. i guess its trying to say im tempted to just do what i do and see how u react in a way. i donno. many of my friends have said just do it up, its only for the summer no need to worry, just have fun. and im thinkin they are right. i like him and i dont wanna say no ne more.

the end

Questions (and i wish for neil)

2005-08-07T15:33:00.000-04:00

Why does everything i do in life end up fucking me in the ass? As soon as i think its over, there is a twist. my life just sux ass. Lets just hope im doing the right thing, but probably not cuz im gonna fuck it up somehow. "Happy Endings only happen in FairyTales"

Yippie Skippy!!!

2005-08-05T12:22:00.000-04:00

So today i was awakened earlier than i had expected (before 11 lol) but its all good. Ivy woke me up because she was approved for her loan of $10,000! all of this money can now go to SUNY BROCKPORT the place of fine learning, where we can do everything but that! So yup, now im wicked happy and i cant wait for school cuz its gonna b so much fun. and dont worry to the rentals here in mass, we will b back and we will miss u just as much as u will miss us! Going back to school does kinda make me give up some sweet stuff here in mass though. i love mass and i will b back any chance i get. Mass is home. but now Ivy is going back to school with me.... YIPPIE SKIPPY!!! the end

realization update

2005-08-01T23:26:00.000-04:00

boys will b boys, no need to b mad bout it. and shit will happen and just kinda work out in the weirdest ways. so do what u do, and let others do to. THE END

Figures

2005-08-01T11:30:00.000-04:00

So as soon as stuff is amazing, aka, no steve, im living in mass, i have a kick ass job, ivy is being sweet, steff is still herself and im pumped bout going back to school.... things turn. why cant ppl just let me b happy? so one of my best friends broke up with her boy, which was coming, everyone could see it but her, so now i feel bad and wish i could b there for her, but im in mass and she is not. and then she tells me that her and her boy are just like me and nick. now anyone that knows me n nick and our fucked up relationship knows that nobody could ever b like us. and yes this happened last night when i finally had some vodka in me, so i probably over reacted, but im still a bit pissed off about it. i dont like when ppl say shit bout nick, cuz i consider him my boy, even though we have a wicked fucked up relationship. but no matter what im here for him and i would stick by him no matter what. oh so then.... the other boy that I really like seemed like a great guy right. noooo, he turns out to b an ass to. give him a lil alchy and he goes and makes out with some girl he doesnt know. now this doesnt seem like a big deal cuz i know ive made out with some guy when i was wasted, but u peeps dont know who this guy is. this is totally not him. im thinkin he changed wicked bad over the summer, and blah that sux. so yea lastly im thinkin that ivy isnt comin back to bport for the next year and that is one of the biggest upsets ever. so yea that sux hard core. im not even lookin forward to going back anymore. all i want is to have steff back with ivy and i and b able to drink whenever we want again. is that so hard to ask for? wow i think this blog is just a huge mess, probably doesnt make sence at all, and its prob cuz im just in a wicked bad mood. but oh well. i think im just gonna stay in bed all day or somethin. i dont think much more could go wrong if im stayin there. peace kids

Things

2005-07-24T12:59:00.000-04:00

Thigs are going pretty cool now this summer. Im finally where i want to be and somewhere where i feel welcome, and homey. its deff a nice feeling, home. who would have known. so yea. working is a sweet ride, i do nothin and look at cute boys all day. or something to that effect. its nice. and ivy is there, which makes it better. plans for my bday are comin along. only 42 more days left and then we hit up canada. the ultimate buffalonian's 19th bday lol. im thinkin it might turn out good. bunch of my friends will b there, from bport and home. kirsten is flying in which makes it special, steff and ivy have no choice but to come, chris will b there, im thinkin phil should b, i dotn think nick will want to but it would b amazing if he did, dave and neil should deff come. it will b a blast, erika too, she has no choice im thinkin lol. times will b grand at boston pizza on the marry day of sept 4! chris im thinkin we gotta do up that plan! lol (just kidding ivy) so the overall plan for now is, Boston Pizza in Canada for the day, come back to da port, not to late and drink it up some more, all in all just have a sweet ass bday! things will prob change and it prob wont b as amazing as im thinkin it will b, but with my girlz there (that again have no choice) it will b hot, just gotta find a DD for our car lol. peace out kiddies

100 true facts about me

2005-07-18T12:32:00.000-04:00

I found this in Dave's LJ today and i thought it was really cool. Something everyone should do.

So here are my 100 facts.

1) Im to afraid to get a tattoo but i really want one
2) I hate my fathere for cheating on my mom and leaving us when i was 3
3) I lived in a trailor for almost 18 yrs and i hated it, i would never invite my friends over because i was embarassed, and i hate my mom for making us live there
4) Im afraid my brother is going to get hurt in the navy but think he needs to be there because he isnt smart enough to do anything else
5) The only thing i like about Buffalo is the food
6) I feel like i abandoned my friends by going away to college and not coming home ever again
7) I feel like i should be home for my mom, but i cant stand her
8) I have my tounge pierced because i wanted it done, not because im going to go give some guy a blow job, cuz i wont do that.
9) I got my belly button pierced because its the "in thing" i wanted to take a break from my paper, and Ivy's dad upset me
10) When a friend on my buddy list isnt away or idol and they dont IM me, i think its because they dont like me
11) I always think the worst about everything
12) I regret leaving my softball team this summer because softball is my life
13) Ive played softball on an organized team since i was 7
14) I used to practice with my brother's baseball team when i was younger than 7, and i was better than most of the boys on the team
15) My brother and I used to have the same haircut up until the 6th grade
16) I would rather walk around in my underwear than wear pants
17) I hate wearing shoes, but i own a lot of flip flops
18) Money freaks me out, and i hate spending it
19) I feel lonely most of the time
20) I didnt want to break up with my ex bf because i didnt want to be lonely for the winter holidays, but i knew i wasnt in love with him anymore
21) I find myself getting mad at the stupidest things, and i dont know why
22) Ive been to 5 NSYNC concerts and one Justin Timberlake concert, and screamed my head off at each one, and im proud of it
23) I denyed the fact that NSYNC broke up and I still believe they will come back and make another album
24) I love reality tv, big brother, american idol, survivor, road rules
25) Ive only quit one job and i felt really bad even though it was only mcds
26) I only got the job at mcds because the hiring manager thought i was hot
27) I wish i was a lot prettier
28) I dont want to be "the cute one" anymore, i want to b more
29) I dont think Nick and I will ever be what i want us to be, and sometimes i feel like i should regret that weekend, but i dont
30) My dad is rich but doesnt pay child support and it makes me really mad
31) I love my cat thats named pig
32) Someday i want to have twins
33) I want to be a forensic scientist but im not sure if i will because im to lazy to take all those classes
34) I watch Unsolved Mysteries because i want to try and solve a case
35) Im a much better person than i was a year ago because of Ivy
36) I think i will decide where i wanna stay for christmas based on if i have a bf in buffalo/rochester or not
37) I love working at the country club because i dont do anything and get paid a lot
38) I wont date a guy unless he has a future
39) I want to be a chearleader because the uniforms are cute
40) in the 7th grade my chours went to competition and won gold with distinction, and i still have my metal from it
41) I love to sing
42) I regret not going out for my highschool softball team in the 9th grade
43) My favorite year of school was 7th grade because I met Nick and Sarah then, and the Fiersome Forsome began
44) I think its dumb that the Fiersome Forsome isnt together because Anna and Harvey got mad about boys
45) I dont ever want to lose another best friend over a guy
46) I think im to forward when it comes to guys... like Dave and Nick
47) I tell all my secrets to Phil and not some of my girl friends, because he knows how to make me feel better, and he is always there for me
48) Im lactose Intolerant
49) I either want to live in Beverly Hills, or in the country with a lake in my backyard
50) I want to travel
51) Im terrified of Deer because when i was in elementary school there was a deer in my driveway and i was already late for the bus and it wouldnt move so i could go to school
52) Im a closet nerd, i love to study, i love school work, i would rather be in class than at home
53) In the first grade i was doing 2nd grade work because i was smart for my age, and my mom wouldnt let me skip to the 2nd grade
54) Im glad i didnt skip a grade
55) I had a mentour when i was in elementary school because the school thought i couldnt handel my dad leaving my family, when i could really care less
56) I used to play the violine because it got me out of class
57) I loved playing the clarinet, and i regret having to give it up for the 4th graders when i was in 5th grade
58) I cant spell
59) I really wish Ivy would have let me hit Jess that one night
60) I am afraid of ppl, and i get really scared when i have to talk to someone i dont know
61) I only wanted to room with Brie because i didnt want to go to college alone
62) I dont think Shannon actually liked any of us, and at the end of the year i started to treat her like that because i was annoyed with her
63) Im not sure if Erika will really fit in with us next year but i really want her to
64) I was a sorority girl for 4 yrs in highschool, and droped out senior yr after becoming an officer
65) I didnt get the officer position i deserved in sorority, and i felt like my friends in higher positions treated me differently because i was "lower" than them
66) One of my best friends forced me to do stuff to him when we were 14 and i still cant do that with anyone else because it hurts to much to think about that, and he is still my friend
67) I quit one of my jobs because the same friend sexually harrased me, but never told anyone that was the real reason
68) in 9th grade i never got picked on because most of my friends were seniors
69) most of my teachers thought i was annorexic and have pulled me out into the hall to ask me if my mom feeds me, on many occasions
70)My 6th grade teacher was my brother and my mom's 6th grade teacher
71) i was editor of the school newspaper in 7th and 8th grade
72) I love to write
73) i know what [sic] means in a paper
74) I want to be a journalism minor
75) I love physics, english, math, science and im good at all of them
76) I think most people from buffalo are egotistical
77) I like fishing
78) I could live off of Mighy Taco
79) I say im fine most of the time when really im not
80) i compare songs to my life
81) Id give up everything for one boy, even though he has hurt me more than anyone else
82) Im starting to fall inlove with a boy who is a lot like Nick but might b better for me
83) I love GC
84) Sometimes i think i might have the depression problem that my whole family has, even though i tell everyone in my family that im the only normal one
85) Sometimes i want my friends all to myself and i get jealous when they do stuff w/out me
86) I get jealous easily
87) I get homesick but not because I want to go home, but because i want to find a home that i can call home
88) I love ducks
89) Im a nymph, but i really like a boy thats very innocent and id b ok with taking it slow with him
90) Id rather have a bf than be single
91) I still like to color in coloring books
92) Im not sure if moving to Mass for the summer was the right thing to do
93) I dont watch a lot of movies, but i think i want to
94) Im afraid to do things by myself
95) Ive only been on a train once, and it was 2 weeks ago to Mass, i was so scared i thought i wouldnt make it
96) Ivy hasnt hung out with steve since i got here, and im happy because i dont like him, but he is upset about it, and i dont really care
97) I want to be a full force prep, but i dont have a fashion sence
98) I was one of the most popular kids in elementary school, and wish i was in highschool to, but i wasnt about to be a snob to fit in
99) I wrote a paper for my advanced composition class, and i only got a C on it, and the teacher said it was because i was a freshmen and freshmen wouldnt get higher than a C in her class, and the paper was a lot better than C matterial
100) I dont think im a likeable person

after doing this i thought of so many more good things i could have put in here, i was even tempted to go back and change some. but i didnt. maybe another day i will do a new 100. but that would b a lil weird i think. im outta here though

Random Update

2005-07-12T10:31:00.000-04:00

So ive been at my new home for almost a week now. I havent been online to much cuz things are new here again and we are kinda doin a lot of stuff, kinda.

work is mad easy, i dont do anything at all and get paid $10 an hour. i chill with ivy, shannon and kate most the time and dont do much of anything. bring a few things out to some tables, bring stuff back. thats bout it lol. easy as all hell. and sometimes ride around with the boys on the golf carts and help them out. that was so much fun. work is fun, and easy. i dont work to often, pretty much just weekends when they need me, but its ok, should help out with college a lil at least. seeing the hours though, sometimes i think i should b back home working my ass off so that i know college will b paid for, but its a risk i took, and im having fun, so thats good. life should b fun

some days i just wanna fast forward though, but eh no worries

my roomit, i havent talked to u in awhile. oh man do i miss u and think bout u every day. i feel like such a jerk for not talkin to u, but im yours now roomit lol. i love u muchly so and miss u lots too.

haha ivy said that she thinks i like a boy here, lol no. "hes like my brother" lol. deff not gonna happen, he is a funny KID, and fun to b around, thats about it.

umm other than that, things are fun, i miss a few ppl back home, but umm its ok. i will see them at the end of august. i miss my porters like crazy now a days. being with one of my fav porters all the time makes me miss the others even more.

oh i discovered some messed up stuff that had happened in the past. i would just like to say thanks to those two ppl.

oh and one last thing. being here in boston is awesome. ivy's parents are wicked cool for letting me chill here. they treat me like im part of the family and thats all ive ever wanted in my life. so thank u family for givin me a family. lovz to all

THE END!

A New Home

2005-07-08T18:04:00.000-04:00

So again i have decided to move. Its my 3ed day here in Boston with my ive dawg! Its cool cuz like her parents are awesome. They say goodmorning and goodnight and lovz and all sorts of family things. its deff a place to call home. i will be here till the end of august and thats deff cool. im having fun and i got a job at the country club! i get paid $10 an hour under the table. my highest paying job ever, so thats awesome. and ivy is there with me to make it even better. im just kinda thinking that im going to make some ppl mad. aka ivy and steve. there are many complicated things with that situation and im thinkin steve hates me. which is fine with me. w/e he wants. but now that im here things might change with him and ivy and it would b all because of me. i dont want to stop my dawg from chillin with him, cuz thats not cool. but she hasnt yet and im worried its cuz of me. and dawg dont just chill with him cuz of this lol. do what u want. and i know ur gonna tell me that u r. i figure time will make the confusion in my head go away. things will work out no matter what. and im finally happy so this cant get me down. im finally part of a family. what more could a kid ask for?

last one for the day

2005-07-02T19:47:00.000-04:00

Ultimate Opposite Sex Survey (for girls)
Created by okwhtsplanb and taken 37110 times on bzoink!
--Your Favorite--
Hair Color:	Blond
Eye Color:	blue
(Their)Music Genre Preference:	Rap/Pop/R&B
Height(estimate):	6'0"
Age:	19-21
Personality Type:	funny
--This or That--
Older or Younger:	older
Romantic or Horndog:	romantic
Smart or Stupid:	smart
Fat or Skinny:	skinny
Skinny but Muscular or Big and Muscular:	skinny bus muscular
Punk or Preppy:	either
The Big Picture or the Little Things:	the big picture
Flowers/Candy or Big Expensive Present:	big expensive present
Mixtape or Burned CD:	burned Cd
Love or Lust:	love
Emotional or Just Not:	emotional
Sincere or Jokester:	a lil of both
Hott and mean or Ugly and sweet:	ugly and sweet
Sexy or Just Cute:	just cute
Arse or Abs:	abs
Hair or Hands:	hair
Dimples or Eyes:	eyes
Biceps or Calves/Thighs:	biceps
Teeth or Nose(some people are just wierd) :	teeth
Clean Shaven or Scruffy:	clean shaven
Rugged or Prim and Proper:	prim and proper
Countryboy or Cityboy	city boy
Date alone or With Friends	gotta mix it up
Mama's Boy or Rebel Without A Cause:	rebel without a cause
--Have You Ever--
Dumped a guy because he liked you too much:	yup
Loved a guy because he stalked you:	no
Loved a guy because he hated you:	not intentionally
Asked your friend's crush out:	yup
Lead a guy on for kicks:	haha sometimes its fun
Asked a guy out purely because he was hott:	jordan! Rocco!
Flirted with guys even though you had a boyfriend:	yup
Lied about not having a boyfriend:	no
Lied about having one:	nope
Cheated:	yes :(
Been Cheated on:	many times
Had a crush on a gay guy:	MATT!
--Their Clothing(yes/no)--
Boxers?:	yes
Briefs?:	sure
Hat?:	sure
Skater Shoes?:	yea
Pimp Shoes?:	no
Band Shirts?:	yes
Vintage shirts?:	yes
Southpole/um..other thug clothes..?:	no
Dixie Outfitters/Big Johnsons?:	no
Independent/DC?:	yea
S&M/Little Devil?:	?? no??
Fox/Thor?:	?
Jeans or Shorts?:	shorts
--Be Honest--
Would you ever date a guy for his money?:	probably
Would you ever date a guy for his social status?:	not ne more
Have you ever liked hanging out with your bf's friends more than him?:	yea
Have you ever pretended to like somebody to make them feel better?	lol 8th grade!
Have you called a girl a whore, when you were screwing lots of guys?:	no
Do looks matter?:	to an extent
Are you honestly scared of being dumped?:	if its a guy that i love yea
Does size matter?:	lol, yes
Do you avoid 'situations' with ugly guys?:	if they are really ugly, yea
Are you ashamed to be seen with your ugly friends?:	sometimes
Are you ashamed for being ashamed?(you better be):	lol yea
Do you hide things from your crushes/guy friends/bf?:	who doesnt
Do you lie about masturbation for attention or false innocence?:	no
Do you really want a guy to say if those jeans make your butt look fat?:	yes
Are you dissapointed when your bf doesn't say I love you right away?:	i want him to say it when he is ready
Wanna be a virgin till marriage?	no
Do you really love the guys everytime that you say it?	yes
Do you dream about your crushes/bfs/guy friends?:	yup
Would you makeout with a guy friend just to get it over with/curiosity?:	no, but ive dawg does
Does this survey suck nuts?	nope cant say that it does
Create a Survey Search Surveys Go to bzoink!

the description of my dream boy, is not my dream boy at all lol. brown shaggy hair, blue eyes, total punk/ska boy, scruffy, but i do love him!

left alone to survey it up lol HAPPY BIRTHDAY IVY!

2005-07-02T19:39:00.000-04:00

..: The Truth About Me :..
Created by beverlyhills and taken 185 times on bzoink!
..: Basics :..
Name:	Niki
Age:	18
Gender:	Female...duh (im never gonna live down that quote)
Birthdate:	September 4
Hometown:	Buffalo
Height:	5'4"
Hair color:	Brown
Eye color:	Blue
Tattoos:	no
Piercings:	tongue, belly button, and a few in each ear
Clothing style:	on the verge of prep
..: Family :..
Parents/Names?:	Kelly/Mike
Any siblings?:	1
If so, their names?:	Mikey
Any children?:	no.. im way to young
If so, their names & ages:
Pets:	SweetPea
Living arrangement:	Who knows with me
..: Friends :..
Do you have alot of friends?:	Enough to make me happy
What do you look for in a friend?:	personality
More guy friends or girl friends?:	about equal
Why?:	cuz thats the way the world goes round
Who is your best friend, and why?:	Ivy n Steff because whenever i see them i cant get the smile off my face, everything they do makes me happy and i couldnt imagin life without them
What friends mean the most to you?:	Ivy n Steff
Are you in any cliques?:	why of course... girls always are... The Fearsome Foresome Forever baby!!
..: Love :..
Sexual orientation:	do u even have to ask?
Are you single, or taken?:	Single
If taken, by who:
Do you love them?:
What do you like about them?:
How did you meet?:
Have you had sex with them?:
If not, would you?:
Can you see a future with them?:	Do they have a future?
Would you ever have children with them?:
..: School/Work :..
Where do you go to school?:	SUNY BROCKPORT
What grade are you in?:	2nd yr
Do you like your school?:	LOVE IT!!
Would you ever be homeschooled?:	nope
Have you ever been to boarding school?:	never
What do you plan to do after you finish school?:	something with forensics
Do you have a job?:	im in the middle of 2
If so, where do you work?:	Start the Heritage country club on saturday
What do you do there?:	Waitress
How much do you make?:	$10 an hour!!
Do you like your job?:	im working with one of my best friends... of course i do
..: The Naughty Have-You-Evers :..
Had sex?:	yup
Have you had sex more than once?:	yea
With more than one person?:	yup
Had unprotected sex?:	who does that?
Given oral sex?:	ew
Recieved oral sex?:	hmm
Had sex for money?:	nope
Been drunk?:	during school, more days than not
Smoked pot?:	maybe just a lil
Smoked a cigarette?:	no
Smoked something else?:	smoked a bull?!? smokeable?!?
Taken ecstacy?:	X? ppl really do that? who would have known? not me of course
Used speed?:	nope
Accidentally overdosed on prescription medication?	im not perscribed ne thing
Purposely overdosed on prescription medication?	who does these stupid things?
Used heroin, cocaine, or meth?:	no
Smoked a cigar?:	no
Driven intoxicated?:	nope, i could pass the brethalizer
Crashed your car?:	never had a car, and im a good driver
Crashed someone elses car?:	nope
Cut yourself?:	accidentaly of course
Attempted suicide?:	nope
..: Other Have-You-Evers :..
Bunjee jumped?:	not yet
Gone skinnydipping?:	i get cold ezaly
Been in love?:	yes
Eaten something disgusting?:	who hasnt
Changed yourself for someone else?:	"i dont drink anymore" lol
Changed clothes in front of someone else?:	i live in a dorm room, of course i have
Conquered a fear?:	i will wed, my first train ride
Gotten a cavity?:	4
Thrown up in public?:	nope
Met the president?:	the president is a joke
Met a celebrity?:	im a celebrity
Been to another country?:	oh CANADA!
Spent over $1,000 on one shopping trip?:	i wish
Been engaged?:	lol once in the 9th grade, so young, so stupid
Been married?:	no
Cried in public?:	i think so, but i cant really remember
..: Your Favourite :..
Colour:	Purple
Movie:	Ice Age... BROCKPORT rox my socks
Book:	havent found a fav yet, maybe i will continue/start my search
Scent:	curve
Holiday:	Labor Day!
Place to be kissed?:	lips...
Day of the Week:	Saturday!
Month:	June
Season:	Summer
Weather:	Hot
Flower:	Lilly
Flavour:	yum
Food:	Cheese burgers
Feeling:	Happy
Place:	Home... just need to find it
Clothing company:	Aero
Jewelry company:	Tiffany duh
Person:	Ivy n Steff
Comedian:	Steff
TV show:	Big Brother
Song:	I will survive
Quote:	"father forgive her for she knows not what she does" Shan Shan b4 a night nobody will ever forget
Type of car:	monte carlo
Dessert:	strawberry shortcake
Drink:	strawberry daquory
Country:	USA
Sport to play:	Softball
Sport to watch:	Baseball
Idol:	Kelly Clarkson
Thing to do when you're sad:	Cry
Thing to do with friends:	PARTY!!
Thing to do when you're alone:	surveys
Thing to do when you skip school:	who does that?
Thing to do over the summer:	miss da porterz, and beach it
..: The Future :..
Will you get married?:	yes i will
How many kids will you have?:	2-3
Boys or Girls?:	doesnt matter, but twins would b sweet
Where will you live?:	a nice house that is connected to the ground
What kind of house will you live in?:	a yellow one
What kind of car will you drive?:	monte carlo
Where will you work?:	maybe for the fbi
What will you do?:	forensic science
Where will you go to college?:	SUNY BROCKPORT!!
..: This or That :..
Black or White:	Black, its slimming
Love or Lust:	Love, but tim loves me lustfully
Truth or Dare:	Truth
Hate or Love:	Love
Sex or Make Love:	Difference?
Hugs or Kisses:	Hugs
Food or Drink:	Food
Making Out or Being Kissed on the Neck:	tough choice, can i have both plz
Laugh or Cry:	laugh till i cry
Beauty or Ugliness:	beauty
Flowers or Candy:	candy
TV or Movies:	tv
Chocolate or Vanilla:	vanilla
Guys or Girls:	girlz
Pale or Tan:	tan
Vacation or Home:	vacation
Old or New:	new
Sexy or Hott:	sexy
Paris or Nicole:	Nicole
Brad Pitt or Ed Norton:	Brad Pitt
McDonald's or Burger King:	McDs cuz i worked there for 3 weeks!
Beverly Hills or NYC:	Beverly Hills
Sunshine or Rain:	sunshine
Cold or Hot:	hot
Tall or Short:	tall
Sweet or Sour:	sour
Ice Cream or Frozen Yogurt:	frozen yogurt
Chocolate Sprinkles or Rainbow:	rainbow and its jimmies
Motorcycle or Vespa:	whats a vespan?
Italy or Greece:	Italy
Egypt or France:	France
Rock or Rap:	Rap
Emo or Pop:	Pop
Angelina or Jen:	Jen
Classical or Jazz:	Classical
Pop or Swing:	Pop
Soda or Pop:	Soda
Couch or Sofa:	Couch
Give or Recieve:	Give
Emails or Letters:	Letters
Inground or Above Ground Pools:	inground
Rain or Snow:	rain
Kisses on the Forehead or Kisses on the Cheek:	forehead, cuz its my dave thing!
..: Random :..
Talent(s):	softball
Favorite children's books:	the stinkey cheese man... and other fairly stupid tales
Most pain you've ever been in:	sholder tearing
Most memorable vacation:	winter vaca 2004
Favorite posession:	video camera
Why?:	first real thing i baught on my own
Phobias:	?
Obsessions:	boys
Random Quote/Lyric:	"lgfuad"
Your best quality:	i love to make u smile! wow 3 weeks of mcds did me in lol
Your worst quality:	i make ppl mad a lot
Create a Survey Search Surveys Go to bzoink!

guessing

2005-06-27T22:54:00.000-04:00

i guess i just want things to be cool. i want them to go my way. they never do. guys are worthless i guess. i guess a lot. i guess it could just b all the alchy in me. night kids

Drunk

2005-06-27T21:14:00.000-04:00

sometimes ppl get drunk. no need to get mad bout it, it happens. but i donno this time, i was havin so much fun. i love my dawg its the best feeling in the world to have her here, we are drunk and i was so happy. now im a lil upset. donno why. mango will fix all lol peace kids, need more

Whole-Lotta-Liquor Week

2005-06-25T17:25:00.000-04:00

So my dawg is comin up on monday!! cant wait. i havent seen her in over a month and thats never good. so what else would we do but party it up...ALL WEEK!! Steve was nice enough to arrange a whole lotta liquor for us, so we will deff have enough for the whole week, and much more. haha, im sure it will all b gone sooner than it should though. i cant wait to b with my dawg again. i need the rest of my bport crew though... especially steff. that would make the week even better. but im happy with my dawg!!

sry

2005-06-25T00:45:00.000-04:00

i didnt mean what i said.... we were talkin like friends... i was jokeing around... im sry for being so stupid.. i do care about u and i dont ever want to hurt u. im sry that i did, im sry for what i said and im sry im so stupid.

Done

2005-06-22T18:02:00.000-04:00

ive decided that im done trying. i kinda want to explain but i donno, things just never seem to work right with like everything, friends (ahh and the advantixs comercial just came on lol), guys, sports. im done

Confused

2005-06-22T15:13:00.000-04:00

I dont really know whats going on with my life. For some reason it seems like nothing wants to work my way. I stayed close to buffalo because i wanted to play softball and i thought i would end up killing ivy if i lived with her. but i lived with her for 8 1/2 months and she is still alive lol. so i think i could have handeled it. so that leaves softball. Lately softball isnt going to well. we lost every game, which is cool with me. the coaches are just not really likeable. and if ur wondering, im not a coach anymore. never really was in their eyes i guess. at first i was called coach, then very senior player, then senior player, now "wanna be coach". that comment really hit me hard. there is drama on the softball field. the point of softball is to get away from it all. i love softball and i dont want to leave it. but i dont know if i can deal with drama that much. so that leaves me at a cross roads again

stay or leave..... rochester or boston

i do not mind living in rochester. alex and i have fun and alex thank u so much for letting me stay here. dont get me wrong i totally apriciate u and everything u do for me. i like it here.

so leave? i love it in boston. but how can i just get up and leave again? i cant. i have a job here and even though ivy says i cna get a job there it wont work right i dont think. i have to pay for college and just get through this summer. it has been the worst summer ever... its been more than a month w/out my girls and my school... i just want to go back now.. why isnt that an option? i can have a job there and my girls. next summer will be different. i guess i just have to stick to this one and get through it. things will b better again sooner or later

WOW

2005-06-22T01:04:00.000-04:00

things are kinda just getting out of control. i dont really get it. i guess its probably my fault but i just dont even know. things all happen for a reason though. so things will turn out, no matter what happens

Oh What An Adventure It Was

2005-06-20T14:55:00.000-04:00

So some of u might have noticed that i wasnt on this weekend... well thats cuz i actually had some stuff to do... Friday i had to work.. i work at mcd's in rochester but only for the summer... actually i kinda like it... i stand around and do nothing at all and get paid $7 an hour. Its good times. The people are wicked funny to, and 2 of them go to da port so ive just made some good school friends. thats always important... more bout work laterz

After work i got all prettied up (kinda) and drove to strykersville ny. My father lives there i guess and my brother got married at his house. It was good times. My dad gave the preaist water from a half drank bottle.. kinda funny i guess. i dont really like father but he is buying me a car so i need to be nice..... it was really good seeing my brother again. he has been in the navy for awhile and i havent been able to see him..... but now he is back but only for 2 weeks... he was wearing his navy outfit.. it was adorible... his hat was very cute too... i love my mikey.. but he is a married man now... he actually went threw with it..... we drank champaine and ate some cake together. Then we went to the drive in..... We saw Mr. and Mrs. Smith and we skipped out on The longest yard. Its not that we wanted to... but it was already 1ish and we had to be awake at 7am.

Why did we have to wake up at 7am? hmm.... its cuz we were going to GILBERTSVILLE!!! Thats right we had to go see my roomit Steff Dawg!! oh let me tell u how amazing it was. We got there at about 12:30. Steff wasnt home when i got there but her door was open. So i went in and changed her away message and wrote her a note. We went around town for a little and then came back. It was pretty boring. So then Steff was back when we got there and we were reunited!! ahh i loved it so very much. We were going to her brother's graduation party... and no we didnt drink stuff..... we were good kids! OOOOH man! I met brandon... hot boy i must say. very nice smile :) so good job roomit lol. and Bob was there.... he was everything i imagined. and steve was there of course... still the same hot boy. there was some guy with a name that starts with a D i forget what it is.... he was hot... but steff said he was a jerk. no good. hmm Rosa was there to. she is cute.. Jenna was there. She gave me a hug when i first got to steff's. she is a good kid i like her.umm then we decided it was borign so we walked 3 miles to steff's house. it was good times.... except for the deer we saw. no good. So at steff's we i believe boated it. she has some cannos and we went on one. she has a river in her yard. it was great. i get sea sick but its ok. i liked it. umm then we went to get steff pierced but that didnt work out cuz it was to late in the day. so we went to manderz house!!! i did miss that manderz... her dad was like "amanda one of your brockport friends is here" she was so confused lol... then i suprised her. it was awesome. Manderz slept over! good times. i like her.

umm on sunday Manderz left early to see her daddy-o- and steff got her daddy-o- a big mug thing. it was hot. it said keg on it or something.... good job roomit. so umm we chilled that day. we did some boating... got some icecream... tried to get my roomit pierced again... no luck.... oh and we did something else haha. great times. love u roomit. we had great times.

i guess i was kinda quiet. sry roomit... but i will tell u. there wasnt anything wrong with me at all. i was just kinda taking everything in, and apreciating what good friends i have and how much i love them. life isnt the same w/out you guys. i loved chillin with my roomit. i really wished ive dawg would have been there but i do get to see her very soon. and i cant wait.. saying goodbye was really hard. it always is. but i had so much fun and i cant wait to see her again. alex said we can take another trip in july so im really looking forward to that... and steff is getting a car so she said she could come see me 2!!

so i said i would talk more bout work... i got a call from toys r us today. and i was thinking i would work there nights just for a few extra hours... maybe like 20ish. i mean i dont really do anything else so i should probably do something. work is good for me and i get money for school and stuff i need. its kinda scary living on my own and actually haveing to pay for stuff.. i dont have that whole rental reasurance anymore... if i mess up im fucked and i cant go back to mommy or daddy. its diff... scary but awesome... we this entry was hella boring... cuz im wicked tired. dont really feel like typing.. so im gonna go sleep now. peace out y'all

i forgot to put in my fav part of the weekend. i got to hear steff sing again!!! i loved it so much, never realized how much i missed that part of my life. "you dont ____ listen, when im around" loe u roomit

survey time!

2005-06-16T15:29:00.000-04:00

100 Questions for Bored People
Created by cchase05 and taken 143 times on bzoink!
Time	3:19
Name	Nickerz
Date	June 16
Hair color	Brown
Eye color	Blue
Skin color	White
Fav. baseball team	YANKEES
Any Sibilings?	older bro
Lucky #	4
Fav. Letter	Z
This or That
Dog/Cat	Cat: Sweet Pea
Summer/Winter	Summer
Long hair/short hair	Long
Family/Friends	Friends
aim/msn	AIM
e-mail/snail mail	snail mail with the girliez
tv/computer	computer
redsox/yankees	YANKEES
snow/rain	Rain cuz the trampoline is sweet ride in the rain
Snowball fight/pillow fight	Pillow fight: Steff broke the fan
dance/sleepover	Sleepover
pink/black	Pink
soda/juice	Soda
milk/oj	Ew
chocolate milk/strawberry milk	milk makes me sick
novel/magazine	magazine
stay up late/go to bed early	Stay up late
rose/lilac	Rose
blue/green	blue
peanut butter/jelly	jelly
survey/quizlet	quizlet is a sweet word
poll/quiz	quiz
poll/survey	survey
Opposite Sex
Hair Color	brown probably
Eye Color	blue
Skin Color	white/tan
Age	19-22ish
Boy/Girl	boy
Qualities?	personality..future..humor
Hobbies?	sports
Comics
Do you like comics?	yup
the peanuts?	yup
whos your favorite comic?	donno
Do you read the newspaper?	sometimes
TV shows, the first 7 questions are
Lost?	dave watches that i think
Friends?	usually on b4 my fav show
Desperate House Wives?	never
Summerland?	wanted to watch it but never did
House?	shan shan
Rug Rats?	haha no
Clifford?	the soup is good
What is your favorite TV show?	any reality show
Do you even watch TV?	watchin it right now
Do you even have a TV?	yes i do
Would you rather watch TV or Movies?	tv
Pets
Do you have any pets? if you dont then skip this section.	yes
What kind of pet?	cat
What are their names?	SweetPea
How many pets do you have in all?	1
Do you want any more pets?	yes and no.. dont like taking care of them but they are soooo cute
Do you want to get rid of any of your pets?	no
How old are you pets?	sweetpea will be 10 on the 27th
Do you love your pets?	yes i do
Movies
Do you like Meet the Parents?	love it
Meet the Fockers?	even better cuz i saw it with Mike!!
Fever Pitch	never heard of it
The Longest Yard	umm
Napoleon Dynamite	stupid movie...but watching it with nick ivy n steff made it cool
Ice Age	haha BROCKPORT
Spanglish	no
What kind of movies do you like? (Horor, Comedy, Drama, etc...)	horor
Friends and Best Friends
Who is your best friend/s?	IVY N STEFF
What are their names?	umm wasnt that just asked?
How old are they?	18 and 19
Do you have a lot of friends?	enough to make me happy
Do they live near you?	ivy lives 6 hours away and steff is 3 hours what do u think
Do you go over their house a lot?	going to steff's in 2days!! and we went to ivys a few times over the school year
Do you even have any friends?	i think so
Do you have a lot in common with them?	haha very muchly so
Do you have a lot of friends of the opposite sex?	yup
What are their names?	to name a few... alex, dave, nick, neil, matt, phil, josh, dan... etc
Do you have a crush on any of your friends of the opposite sex?	well of course
If yes, who?	umm... im sure they know who they are
End of Survey
Did you like my survey?	yup
Was it too long?	nope
Was it too short?	possibly
Did you have fun?	i did indeed
Did it keep you unbored?	yes it actually did good job
Is it still the same day as when you started this survey?	yup
Are you going to take other surveys,quizlets,and polls by c	who knows
What time is it?	3:28
Bye bye!	peace out girl scout
Create a Survey Search Surveys Go to bzoink!

Curveball

2005-06-16T12:21:00.000-04:00

K... I guess it is time for me to explain about the curveball...It kind of upset my dawg cuz she thought it was bout her.... nope things are cool with u ive dawg.... not totally believing u but im still trying or something like that... everything is normal with u....

so the curveball would be Nick...
I emailed him a few days ago telling him how i felt... we havent been talking lately and since our "relationship" or w/e u wanna call it, was what it was... i didnt think that we shouldnt be talking... so ne way confusing much? yea... he emailed me back yesterday and explained some stuff... i guess it was all just a misscomunication.. makes sence. and then i moved... Nick thought i was using him to get to Alex... anyone that knows me or Alex knows that this is not true at all... If Alex and I wanted to get back together it would happen and Nick is not needed to help that at all. So yea... im thinking things will be ok with me n Nick again.. prob not as ok as they were b4 though.... So the curve ball part of this is... I dont know if i should let myself fall back inlove with him... even though he says i shouldnt say that... i was in love with him... but being hurt so much i stoped myself and now it could all be about misscomunication. Living with Alex, Nick is not gonna trust me so im sure that us dateing is outta the question... which is ok with me i think... i dont know if it would even be right for us to be together again or if i could even let myself. But something is still telling me that Nick is the boy that i want even though ive been through so much heartach with him. But yet again there are some things that i do that he would never aprove of... Ivy's birthday party we are going to be drinking it up and i know Nick hates that (yes more than u alex) but im not gonna change myself for boys anymore.. Nick actually taught me that. and i guess if he cant accept that i drink then he isnt right for me... and Nick just cuz i drink doesnt mean im gonna turn out like other ppl u know.. ive been drinking for awhile and im still me...

umm but yea.. just cuz nick is in my life again doesnt mean that he is my boy or will ever b my boy... im not sure if i even want him to be.. just to clarify that up for any of the other boys in my life lol. i dont even know

this whole blog is a bunch of confusion... i was tempted to close the window many times cuz i dont know if i should even be putting this in here... it is not mean to hurt anyone and it might... so if it does... plz just tlak to me and i can explain...

and it continues...

2005-06-16T00:10:00.000-04:00

as soon as things get back to normal a curve ball gets thrown into the mix...maybe ill explain more tomorrow.

LGFUAD~ Motion City Soundtrack

2005-06-13T21:28:00.000-04:00

I want to thank you for being a part of my the forget-me-nots and marigolds..

And all the things that don't get old..

Is it legal to do this? I surely don't know.

It's the only way I have learned to express myself around other peoples' descriptions of life..

I'm afraid I'm alone and entirely useless...

(In this apartment)

Let's get fucked up and die.

For the last time I'm feeling

we'll try not to smile

As we cover our heads and drink heavily into the nights

That’s no shocking and surprise.

I believe that I can, overcome this and beat everything in the end

But I choose to abuse for the time being,

maybe I'll win, but for now I've decided to die.

Just a soldier

You’ve been such a positive influence on my mental frame

If I could ever repay you, I would, but I'm hard up for cash

And my memory lacks initiative.

God damn the liquor stores' closed,

were so close to scoringit hurts, it destroys til it kills..

I am tired and hungry and totally useless.

(In this apartment)

Words

2005-06-13T13:25:00.000-04:00

You said it was the last time
You said things were done
You broke his heart
and you killed his dreams

You told your friends what you decided
You said it was the last time
You promised things would be back to normal
You told us all lies

Now we sit and wait for you
to decided what to do
How will we feel today
How will we feel tomorrow

You seem to be the keeper of our feelings

I know its really bad... but eh w/e it was worth a try..hehe

MIKEY!!!

2005-06-12T20:22:00.000-04:00

So as most ppl know my brother is in the navy... but what u dont know is..... He is coming HOME TOMORROW!!! Cant wait to go to the wedding!! its gonna be so cute to see my bro in his navy outfit...aww. Bro if u see this... Im proud of u, and ive missed u... cant wait to chill and drag u to my softball games while ur home!

discoveries

2005-06-11T19:11:00.000-04:00

today i have discovered that i hate people on a random basis... one day u will b cool to me and the next i will hate u... for no reason at all... just me i guess... oh and it could be from min to min... doesnt have to be day to day.. kinda weird i think

2005-06-09T11:12:00.000-04:00

I think the world should know that these are my BEST FRIENDS!!!

Niki and Ivy

2005-06-09T11:11:00.000-04:00

Steff

I Love and Miss you both!

(and we wish for Neil!)

DAVE!!

2005-06-08T23:33:00.000-04:00

Tonight was so much fun! I got to see Dave!! I went to his dodgeball game and it was so fun. First amazing part was seeing Dave and getting my normal Dave hug... :) then catchin up a lil during our hug and warned me that he wasnt gonna hug me after cuz he would be real sweaty...and then he got to play... It was so cute.. their team isnt exactly great but it was so much fun to watch... Dave's brother is pretty good and almost won one of the games for them with a big come back...got it down to one on one. It was pretty swift.. Dave didnt do to bad either.. got a lil upset sometimes but it was so cute. They played 9 games total which only took a lil over half an hour. Then Dave came off and got his stuff together... I figured i would go say good game and say goodbye.... He gave me a kiss and i told him id see him tomorrow!! Dave kisses are the best! Cant wait to see him tomorrow!!

Then getting home... Ivy is a dumb ass... Just date him b4 u piss me off royally....but i'll talk to her in a few days....not gonna ruin my great mood over some stupid ivy n steve shit...

peace n lovz

The Dave Dance Part 2

2005-06-08T20:48:00.000-04:00

If it didnt work the first time....maybe your doing it wrong.... heres a better explination

Stefferz: did you do the dance properly
Niki: i dont think i get the indian part of it
Niki: do i have to be an indian to do it
Stefferz: no
Stefferz: it helps if you wear moccosins
Stefferz: but they are not necessary
Niki: ahh that might be where i went wrong
Stefferz: bare feet
Niki: had the bare feet
Stefferz: its the way to go
Stefferz: ok
Stefferz: well here let me describe it more
Stefferz: you hunch over sorta
Niki: k good
Stefferz: and take little steps
Stefferz: like pickup your feet a little
Stefferz: and sorta hop
Stefferz: and chant his name like dave tonka wonka tonkda dave tonka wonka tonka
Stefferz: does that help
Niki: haha yes.... i do hope it works this time

The Dave Dance

2005-06-08T19:25:00.000-04:00

If you ever want to talk to dave just do the dave dance!

Stefferz: do the dave dance
Niki: lol and what would that b
Stefferz: you jump around in circles with your hands in the air and say say enthusiastically dave dave dave,--- then...
Stefferz: you get down and start chanting his name
Stefferz: and do like a little indian dance
Niki: lol
Niki: awesome
Stefferz: yeah you should give it a try
Niki: maybe i should

Emotional Rollercoasterz

2005-06-07T18:42:00.000-04:00

Lately ive been on this crazy never ending emotional rollercoaster.... Today went from (1)horrible to....(2)happy to......(3)annoyed to......(4)even more annoyed to.....(5)happy to...... (6)feeling like a failer to.....(7)happy to.....(8)halarious to....(9)w/e i am right now.....

so now the explination
1) Ivy was a biz narch this morning
2) Ivy was geting a lot better.....told me her decsion at that moment (y'all know it changes all the time) and I got the package she sent me (happy pills from spencers lol...love u)
3) Ivy told me her thoughts after talking to someone else
4) Job Hunting
5) Shopping
6) Got shut down for 2 jobs
7) Getting a call from a job
8) Going to that job and getting told my application looked really good
9) I dont even know.... just wanna talk to ive dawg and see what she is thinkin.... im here for ya ervy! love u

now maybe i should help out around the apartment and help alex cook or fill up water balloons cuz we are gonna have some fun since the job hunt is over!!

yup...

2005-06-05T17:00:00.000-04:00

"You can't always get what you want, but if you try, sometimes you may find you get what you need."

The decision

2005-06-05T13:23:00.000-04:00

just do it!... i will be fine! im sorry for getting in the way...

i took a step back and started to seriously think about what i wanted in life and stuff pertaining to this situation.... and reading my personal ad (thanks ervy) steve is not it... but for you he might be...why should i stand in the way of that... you finally like a boy... did everything i told u to do...and then i let my feelings get in the way... i kinda have a confession to make to u...it might make u not talk to me forever...but its something u need to know.... and also that i love u to death...and boys are something we should never fight about... cuz they may be around for the moment...but we are together forever... i love u.. please forgive me...and dont make me penguin u...

What to Do Now....

2005-06-05T12:52:00.000-04:00

So the Ivy n Steve issue is still occuring.... I believe I lost Steve as a friend forever....which I didnt want to do at all....but Im pretty sure it has happened... Ivy told Steve that she cant be with him because it upsets me...and it really does...i dont know why....i guess i just really like Steve. But I kinda blew that one...Hes not going to even talk to me, and I stoped him from dating a girl he actually likes, and she likes him back... Reading Steve's blog i felt like such an ass... I dont know what to do anymore... I dont want to stop them from being together but I do get so upset when they are... so what do i do now... Maybe i should just deal with it and let them be together...i have a feeling that Im going to lose 2 friends over this and i really dont want that...

Ivy~ u mean the world to me...Im sry how ive been acting....its just really hard for me... I dont want to lose you as a friend....but im afraid that if i dont let u date him, im going to, and your going to lose potenially the best guy for u... or if u do date him im gonna be upset and not want to ever be around u, im just really not looking forward to the potato... seeing it is gonig to kill me inside... i really just dont know what to do.... please forgive me for last night... i take back a lot of what i said and im really sorry...

Steve~Im sorry...I just dont know what to do

k last one for now

2005-06-04T15:27:00.000-04:00

Really Long Survey (over 200)
Created by starsbleed2nite and taken 92009 times on bzoink!
What is your name?	Niki
Are you named after anyone?	nope
What's your screename?	devangel228
Would you name a child of yours after you?	never
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?	Nick
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?	Steff
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?	nikki, nicki and nobody ever says my last name right
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?	yup
Basics
Your gender:	female
Straight/Gay/Bi:	straight
Single?	yup
If not, do you want to be?
Birthdate:	9/4/86
Your age:	18
Age you act:	18
Age you wish you were:	21
Your height:	5'4"
Eye color:	blue
Happy with it?	yup
Hair color:	Brown
Happy with it?	yup
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous:	righty
Your living arrangement:	i live with my ex bf in rochester
Your family:	i have a family?
Have any pets?	sweet pea...my kitty
Whats your job?	quit it yesterday to move...so im looking now
Piercings?	ears, tongue, belly button
Tattoos?	not yet
Obsessions?	nick
Addictions?	not ne more...thx ervy
Do you speak another language?	a lil french...hopefully enough to pass that class
Have a favorite quote?	"Father, plz forgive her for she knows not what she does"
Do you have a webpage?	nikiandivy.com haha
Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it
Do you live in the moment?	not really
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?	yup
Do you have any secrets?	many
Do you hate yourself?	sometimes
Do you like your handwriting?	no
Do you have any bad habits?	probably who doesnt
What is the compliment you get from most people?	im the cute one
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?	the story of nic~dawgerz
What's your biggest fear?	deer
Can you sing?	sure
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?	haha no
Are you a loner?	of course
What are your #1 priorities in life?	Ivy n Steff...my friendalos
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?	depends on who i am
Are you a daredevil?	nope
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?	of course
Are you passive or agressive?	umm
Do you have a journal?	blogg close enough
What is your greatest strength and weakness?	strenth...knowing what i want... weakness...acting on it
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?	not be so jealous
Do you think you are emotionally strong?	nope..not even close
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?	many things
Do you think life has been good so far?	not really...but ive got 2 angels looking after me...keeping things happy
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?	do it up MacVicar style lol.....umm no have trust in the ones u love
What do you like the most about your body?	umm its all in one piece haha i dont even know
And least?	sometimes i get this rash thing.... haha or not
Do you think you are good looking?	nope
Are you confident?	yea right lol
What is the fictional character you are most like?	lizzy mcguire...she has that fictional thing lol
Are you perceived wrongly?	sometimes
Do You...
Smoke?	no
Do drugs?	no
Read the newspaper?	no
Pray?	sometimes
Go to church?	no
Talk to strangers who IM you?	yea..makes for interesting times
Sleep with stuffed animals?	no
Take walks in the rain?	play in the rain...there is walking involved
Talk to people even though you hate them?	yea
Drive?	love da jeep
Like to drive fast?	hehe
Would or Have You Ever?
Liked your voice?	yup
Hurt yourself?	yup
Been out of the country?	oh CANADA!!
Eaten something that made other people sick?	yup
Been in love?	yup
Done drugs?	yup
Gone skinny dipping?	no
Had a medical emergency?	yup
Had surgery?	yup
Ran away from home?	im living in rochester now...guess u could kinda say that
Played strip poker?	no
Gotten beaten up?	prob will eventually
Beaten someone up?	hehe never
Been picked on?	of course
Been on stage?	yup
Slept outdoors?	in a tent...would never sleep on the ground..ew bugs
Thought about suicide?	now who would do somethign like that
Pulled an all nighter?	yup
If yes, what is your record?	i dont even know
Gone one day without food?	yup
Talked on the phone all night?	yea
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?	yup
Slept all day?	nope
Killed someone?	haha...if i say yes the police will b at my door...so no, never
Made out with a stranger?	haha all i can think of is steff
Had sex with a stranger?	no
Thought you're going crazy?	going?
Kissed the same sex?	hehe drunkness
Done anything sexual with the same sex?	define sexual
Been betrayed?	"4"
Had a dream that came true?	yea...freaky
Broken the law?	again that police thing
Met a famous person?	yup
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?	haha no
On purpose?	duh
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?	yea..
Stolen anything?	wow what is with this thing
Been on radio/tv?	yup
Been in a mosh-pit?	no...nsync concerts dont have those
Had a nervous breakdown?	haha yea
Bungee jumped?	not yet
Had a dream that kept coming back?	yup
Beliefs
Belive in life on other planets?	yea
Miracles?	yup
Astrology?	not really
Magic?	umm i used to till i got into it and descovered the truth to it
God?	yea
Satan?	sure theres gotta b someone down there
Santa?	he is da mad sometimes
Ghosts?	yea
Luck?	everything is luck
Love at first sight?	no
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?	welcome to my life...usually dont have the good though
Witches?	no
Easter bunny?	no
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?	yea..if its meant to be
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?	nope
Do you wish on stars?	yea
Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?	yup
Do you think God has a gender?	dude
Do you believe in organized religion?	yea...just not for me
Where do you think we go when we die?	reincarnation i think
Friends
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?	yup
Who is your best friend?	IVY n STEFF
Who's the one person that knows most about you?	ivy
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?	do it up MacVicar style
Your favourite inside joke?	wow there are so many...OP i think
Thing you're picked on most about?	boys
Who's your longest known friend?	Mike
Newest?	Anthony
Shyest?	Me
Funniest?	Steff
Sweetest?	Steff
Closest?	Steff n ivy
Weirdest?	Steff
Smartest?	Shannon
Ditziest?	ME!! and proud of it
Friends you miss being close to the most?	IVY n STEFF
Last person you talked to online?	Dave
Who do you talk to most online?	Ivy n Steff
Who are you on the phone with most?	Ivy
Who do you trust most?	trust...tough one...STEFF
Who listens to your problems?	ivy
Who do you fight most with?	ivy
Who's the nicest?	steff
Who's the most outgoing?	steff
Who's the best singer?	steff
Who's on your shit-list?	ivy haha
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?	a boyFRIEND
Who's your second family?	my MacVicar crew, Ivy Steff Dave Neil Erika
Do you always feel understood?	no
Who's the loudest friend?	Steff
Do you trust others easily?	no...have troubles with trust
Who's house were you last at?	well i live at Alex's and thats where i am now...but other than that Phil's
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in:	Dave
Do your friends know you?	yup
Friend that lives farthest away:	Ivy..7 hours
Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?	Sometimes
What do you find romantic?	lots of stuff
Turn-on?	sweetness
Turn-off?	agressive boys
First kiss?	chris
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?	no different
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going	haha this was put here just for Ivy
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out	its fine now a days
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv	yup
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?	im the cute one..and boys tell me im hot or what not...but umm i think they were on drugs
What is best about the opposite sex?	equipment haha
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?	they are boys
What's the last present someone gave you?	donno... i will find out when it comes in the mail
Are you in love?	umm cant be in love with someone that doesnt love u back
Do you consider your significant other hot?	dont have one
Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?	who haunts ppl?
You wanted to kill?	killing is bad
That you laughed at?	Carmen
That laughed at you?	Carmen lol
That turned you on?	some dude
You went shopping with?	alex
That broke your heart?	nick
To disappoint you?	ivy
To ask you out?	kinda phil
To make you cry?	ivy
To brighten up your day?	ivy n steff
That you thought about?	ivy n steff
You saw a movie with?	phil
You talked to on the phone?	ivy n steff 3way is awesome
You talked to through IM/ICQ?	Dave
You saw?	alex
You lost?	lost? random
Right This Moment...
Are you going out?	nope
Will it be with your significant other?	no
Or some random person?	nope
What are you wearing right now?	pjs
Body part you're touching right now:	eww
What are you worried about right now?	losing a friend...wait i get that question 6 up from this now haha
What book are you reading?	none
What's on your mousepad?	its brians...is just black with a nice arm thinggy
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling:	hella bored and very lonely
Are you bored?	hella
Are you tired?	yup
Are you talking to anyone online?	ivy, dave, phil
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?	nope
Are you lonely or content?	lonely
Are you listening to music?	yup..
Create a Survey Search Surveys Go to bzoink!

Feelin Bloggy

2005-06-04T14:30:00.000-04:00

So right now i really feel like blogging...but i have nothing to blog about....so its survey time!! lol

A Survey For Bored People!
Created by xoverratedx and taken 88 times on bzoink!
The Basics
Whats your name?	Nicole
Do you have any nicknames?	many
If so what are they?	Nic, Niki, Nic~Dawg, Nic~Dawgerz, Nickerz, The cute one
How old are you?	18
What age do you wish you were?	21
What color is your hair?	Brown
What color are your eyes?	Blue
How tall are you?	5'4"
Are you happy with it?	I wish i was a little bit shorter (perfect cheerleader is 5'1")
What size shoe do you wear?	10
Where do you live?	Rochester (just moved in last night)
Do you have any siblings?	Mikey~ my navy boy
Do you have any pets?	Piggy (my cat)
Have You Ever
Done drugs?	yup
Smoked?	nope
Made out with someone?	yes
Gotten drunk?	hehe i love brockport
Been to disney world?	no
Met someone famous?	yup
Eating a whole pizza by yourself?	hehe STEFF!!
Failed a test?	many
Got held back in school?	nope
Got in a fist fight?	i just knocked out some dude the other night...but it was only one punch so not really a fist fight
Had an x-ray?	yup
Had a cavity?	yup
Skipped school?	never hehe
Made yourself throw up?	umm ew
Cheated on a test?	sry Voss...yup
Been in a school play?	ew never
Won a contest?	probably
In the Last Week
Hugged someone?	yes
Kissed someone?	yup
Lied?	no...wait thats a lie
Gotten drunk?	yup
TPed someone?	no
Gone to the movies?	nope
Made cookies?	no but i ate cookies at mighty!
Read a book?	haha its summer who does that
Been sick?	nope
Got in trouble?	always
Missed someone?	my PORTERZ!!! n home girl
Painted your nails?	no but now that u mention it...they really need to be done
Gone shopping?	yea...baught a new CD!
Had pizza?	nope
Gone to the doctor?	nope
Went swimming?	no but i am goign to the beach sometime next week
Been out of state?	not till end of this month!! cant wait to see ive dawg
Dyed your hair?	nope
Met someone new?	yup
Watched the news?	yesterday with my mommy
Bought something new?	JC's CD!!
Got an A on a test?	its summer...no tests!!
Future
Do you want to go to college?	i am in college
Do you want to get married?	yup
If so at what age?	late 20s
Do you want to have children?	yup
If so how many?	umm 2 maybe... i want twins so bad
Where do you want to live?	somewhere with a 90210 zip code
Why?	cuz i want to live the life
What job would you want to have?	forensic scientist
Why?	its hot
This or That
1 or 2	2
movie or TV show	tv show
comedy or drama	drama
book or magazine	magazine
food or drink	drink
bath or shower	shower
hot dog or hamburger	hamburger w/cheese plz
carrots or corn	carrots
CSI: NY or CSI: Miami	NY
fall or spring	spring
stay in or go out	stay in....hehe we throw better parties
friday or saturday	saturday
vh1 or mtv	mtv
grudge or ring	ring
snickers or milkyway	milyway
hug or kiss	hug
winter or fall	fall
california or florida	cali! Steff Dawg would agree
lake or ocean	have u ever seen the side of the ocean?
beach or park	beach
night or day	night
AOL or Yahoo	AOL
English or Math	either...iim a nerd
green or blue	blue
ketchup or mustard	both
salt or pepper	salt
greatestjournal or livejournal	livejournal
cat or dog	cat
car or plane	car
bike or scooter	scooter
skiing or snowboarding	snowboarding
football or baseball	baseball
pale or tan	tan
Sims or Sims 2	Sims
xbox or play station	N64 is so much better
Favorite
color	Purple
food	chicken fingers
season	spring
subject	boys hehe
teacher	VOSS!!
channel	Court TV
letter	Z its never used enough
number	24!! love u ervy
word	Dawgerz
phrase	i dont even know
quote	"Plz forgive her father for she knows not what she does"
song	I will survive or youve got a friend in me
band	NSYNC!!
movie	i dont know the name of it...ive only seen it once..it was awesome
book	haha
tv show	Will Smith
candy	Sour Patch Watermellons
sport	Softball
place	doenst matter as long as im with da girliez
friend	IVY N STEFF!!
car	monte carlo
city	NYC
School
What school do you go to?	SUNY Brockport
Do you like it?	love it
What grade are you in?	sophmore
What are your colors?	Green and Gold
What is your mascot?	Eagle
Who is the worst teacher?	so far..my math teacher was horrible
Who is the best teacher?	Lehur...but she wont give anyone higher than a C so that sux
Friends
Easiest to talk to	IVY
Funniest	STEFF
Hyperest	STEFF
Quietest	Me of course lol
Loudest	STEFF
Fun	STEFF n IVY
Smartest	Shannon
Tallest	Steff
Shortest	Erika
Most likely to become famous	me duh
Love
Do you have a bf/gf right now?	nope
If so what is his/her name?
Do you have a crush?	yup
If so what is his/her name?	its a secret
Have you had your first "real" kiss yet?	yup
If so with who?	who knows...it was so long ago
Have you ever had your heart broken?	yup
If so by who?	nick....twice....and id prob let it happen again.. im so dumb
Have you ever cheated on someone?	yea....sry
Have you even been cheated on?	yup
Have you even been dumped?	yup
Have you ever dumped someone?	yup
Random
What time is it?	2:49
What are you wearing?	still in my PJs
Are you still bored?	kinda
Ae you glad this is over?	nope
Create a Survey Search Surveys Go to bzoink!

Changes (2:22 i wish for neil!!)

2005-06-04T02:16:00.000-04:00

I went through lots of changes in the past few days....
I moved to RIT and thats where i am now...no more parents....no more rules....ahh just living the life......
I knocked my first guy out...good times...he was being an ass so i punched him in the face and knocked him out... my hand is swollen pretty bad and it kills a lot...but it was worth it
Umm 2 new (well maybe 3...the third would b the best but im keeping it on the DL for now) love life/boy options have come up....Josh n I went on that date...ive liked him for a long time, but im kinda outta town now....and the other boy...phil...just not gonna work...way to much of a best friend....cant confuse stuff. and the third boy...only time will tell....hehe but im not tellin ne one bout this boy for now
Im getting over a boy ive liked for 2ish years....my best friend has decided to possibly date him....reading blogs n stuff ive descovered the kissing (**clarification....not making out) has begun (and not just drunk kissing like the first inncident) so umm yea...dealing with that bestfriend thing and the boy thing...
I dont work at da Mighty Taco ne more!!! Its gotten real bad there....some of the ppl i want to kill...they have all been together for so long that they are driving eachother nuts....was kinda funny for a lil but then i just wanted to kill them myself lol....
Im living with my ex bf.....hmm the changes....still an exbf (just to clear that up) but i donno...seems cool to beable to live with him...just hope it works out... idont see any reason for it not to.
And Lastly...ive realized that boys mean nothing really....all the promises...and shit like that lol... not really careing ne more...nick is over in my mind....(thats what i was getting at if y'all couldnt pick up on it)

But my hand is killing me so im done typeing...peace n lovz

Blah

2005-06-02T14:51:00.000-04:00

K so i havent been around to many computers with internet that i could actually use...so i finally have some time so i decided to write...

So heres whats been going on lately

Umm i got kicked outta my house like 2 weeks ago.....so on friday i will be moving into an apartment at RIT with alex for the summer....kinda weird to be living with my ex-bf but oh well it happens.... carmen just told me today that i could live wiht her and that would have been awesome...kinda wish she would have told me sooner.... i love carmen...but whats done is done and now i know that i have that option...along with living at Ivy's... i love having options...so away to RIT i go...shouldnt be to bad...donno really how i feel about it yet but well just have to wait and see...i will have internet so i should b a happy camper..prob not in a hamper though :( lol love da port

So yea what else...ive been chillin with steve, joey n alex a lot lately...steve moved to massachusetts now though...lives 20 min from Ivy...and they like eachother soo yea...thats cool for them i guess...but yea...y'all know what im thinking...its steve and yes i like him.....and yea....so it will b hella weird to see them together but oh well...i can move on or something if needed...

Oh the Nick situation for anyone that hasnt figured that one out......there is no Niki n Nick....i probably should have figured that one out 6 years ago but i didnt....so again....another heart breaker....i love that boy and even though he tells me i shouldnt say love...its how i feel.... but i havent seen him since he brought me back from college...and he says that he is "straight edge" and wouldnt use a girl but umm....what else would u call it? i donno...just real upset bout it right now....and im sure if he reads this he will tell me that he would never use me and he likes me and blah blah blah and i will probably be like oooh ok...i love u and go right back to him cuz im dumb...and im madely in love with him...stupid nickerz

umm what else can i say....

Brockporterz.... i miss you guyz so much....being home really does suck. i never realized how amazing all of you are...so much better than a lot of people at home....and its funny how stuck up they really are once i met u guys....you guys are awesome...cant wait to be back with u all again. ivy i will deff see u for your birthday and steff i might beable to see u sooner than that!! Alex is being a sweetie and letting me drive there to see u!!

oh for my birthday my "daddy" is buying me a car!! sweet deal...im learning how to drive a stick shift haha good times...should b a sweet ride

Lets see...my best friend since 2nd grade moved to TEXAS!!! what is that all about?? im totally freakin out majorly.... i dont know what to do...even though we didnt hang out every day... we didnt need to...just knowing eachother were there was enough.... im missing her like crazy and cant wait for my birthday when she comes back to party it up in CANADA!!!

Another friend like that is Phil... love him so much..... anytime i need him he is always there... gonna chill with him tonight and watch some DVDs should be fun times!! he deff makes me feel a lot better about everything and thats really what i need right now

lastly the PCrew... im been chillin with them every night this week... lol some good times... lotsa fun parties that half of i dont remember which makes them even better... and Josh asked me out on a date... it was adorible... we went to the falls...he had a picnic all set up for me... it was amazing...but nobody really wants to hear any of this so yea....

im outtie for now... i think ive written to much anyway... gonna go see my aunt and then chill with phil....peace n lovz...missz n lovz to IVY N STEFF!!

yet again another survey

2005-05-19T21:41:00.000-04:00

~*Begin!*~
Hello!~
What time is it?~ 9:57
Thanks!~ welcomz
Name: Nickerz
Age: 18
D.O.B.: 9/4/86

Have you ever...
kicked ass? yup
been kissed? yup
been dissed? yup
been ignored? steff does all the time
smoked? never
gotten the flu? probably
skipped school? hehe yea
tried to commit suicide? duh who doesnt lol
tried witch craft? haha no
been to camp? camp Onawanna....we hold u in our hearts...and when we think about u...lol
played an insterment? clarinet n violin
been cursed at? yup
faked as someone else? never
made someone cry? sry ervy
been hurt? duh
hated yourself? yup
hated your life? always
hated everyone you knew/know? lol when they stole my duck...yea
tried to kill someone? never
hated someone for no reason? nick lol sry friend
loved someone? of course
loved someone, and they hate you? nick lol
hate someone, then love them? i dont even know
been crushed? like a bug
been to a concert? NSYNC
learned to love? umm
learned to hate? umm
learned to lose? umm
learned to kill? i kill u
learned to act? to b or not to b
been in love with a celebrity? all the NSYNC boy

favorite...
movie: who watches them
song: ne nsync song
band: nsync
actor: lance bass
actress: britany spears
actors: nsync
actresses: donno
tv show: cops
cartoon: marvin da martain
movies: again who watches those
place: brockport
book: ??
school subject: physics..... i know im a nerd

when was the last time you...
cried: today
kissed someone: yesterday
laughed: right now
made fun of someone: dara at work today
yelled at someone: this morning....sry ervy
wached tv: 5 min ago
clicked on a ad: never
saved a picture: sunday
saved a letter: the letter z of course
wrote a letter: now, n now, n now
wrote an email: today...get my grade up!!
looked in the mirror: around 8:00
yelled: now cuz i didnt remember so i had to do it
yelled at the tv: last night...stupid american idol

.::Friends::.
coolest: ivy n steff
nicest: steff
weirdest: manderz
prettiest: me of course
closest: ervy
most annoying: kirsten sry hun
loudest: ervy!! were not in another state u know
meanest: phil
dumbest: i dont have dum friends
best taste in music: ervy...steff is a beatles fan
best dressed: ervy will b...but steff
tallest: mike
shortest: erika
preppiest: me
you've know the longest: kirsten
lives somewhere else: ervy....MA
you've never met: lots of new friendalos
do you miss the most: ervy n steff

.::Random::.
what's the newest band you like? stray light run
what do you think about when you see the american flag? the night we (bport crew) went to a party and steff called me america all night
oldest? crystal
are you a christian? no im nickerz
do you have a wide variety of music? yes i do, gotta at da port
when you say 'lol' are you acually loling? i used to not but steff yelled at me so now i do
do you talk behind people's backs? duh
do you cuss? yup
do people talk about you behind your back? probably
are you pretty? rhian called me a hot chick today and nick thinks i have a nice ass!! so maybe lol
do you have lots of friends? as many as i wanna
what band/artist do you really hate? BSB
how about celebrity? i love the world
what pisses you off? promise promises being broken
do you use AIM? yup but gaim is better
MSN? no
Yahoo? sometimes
If so, what's your screenname(s)? devangel228
Do you like Napoleon Dynamite? watching movies is no good, but i got to watch it w/ nick so it was hot
are you short or tall? 5'4" u decide
Have you ever been kicked out of school? no lol
Have you ever been kicked out of home school? who goes to home school?
Do you prefer one-piece bathing suits or 2-piece bathing suits? 2, slut it up
are you artistic? no
are you bipolar? BRIE is
do you not like me? ur hot

.::Almost done::.
Thanks for taking my survey! your welcome
How was it? awesome
What time is it now? 10:23
reate a

Home

2005-05-17T13:11:00.000-04:00

So im home and i finally have internet. 3 days w/out it was pretty rough. but i made it trough with the help of some of my friends here in buffalo.

Being without my brockport crew, especially Ivy and Steff is the weirdest thing in the world. I got home from da port on saturday around 11:30. nick came and helped me pack up his van and bring me all the way home. (thanks nick, your a savior and i loved chillin with u) I didnt cry at all on Saturday, which is weird for me cuz i always cry when i leave my girliez. Im guessing its cuz anytime i started to tear up, Nick was there being his natural funny self making me feel so much better. So we got to my house, Nick helped me unpack and chilled for a little. We watched Batman and it made me miss Erv and Steff so much more. Batwomen, and "i dont get it" were deff present in the movie.

So yea, then nick left and alex came over. We went to mississippi muds for lunch...mmmmm good. then we went to deal with my crazy internet that i think just ended up costing me $50 extra cuz im a big rere. but yea ne way. then he droped me off and phil came over.

We went to Phil's and played some cards for like an hour. Then some other people came over, like Kelly Copper! We all just kinda chilled and played games, watched movies, and caught up on the last year. Good times. a bit weird though id have to say. being around people that arent my porterz and dont act anything like them. I kinda took a few steps back while i was there and realized how diff and weird this summer will be. but i will adjust and things will be fine.

Phil brought me home around 1:30 and i decided to call my Erv... man was i missing her then. We talked for about half hour or so and then i got ready to go out for the night. My P-crew was throwing me a welcome back party! It was hott!! great times id have to say. Josh wasnt there but dont worry, he made up for it. but yea, im not gonna go into that night cuz it would take forever. I was a good girl though! lol. and Erv, ur welcome haha So that ends my Saturday night at 9am on sunday lol. oops, welcome home to me

So we get to sunday. I got woken up by my doggy cuz 4 of my cousins were in the yard weird. and then i called my erv, of course and steffdawg too. what the heck did i do that day?? oooh yea, i unpacked a lot, well threw things everywhere. and then i dont even know. nothing really i dont think. Then Kirsten came over around 7 and we went to her apt. had some dinner and got ready to go to Marcellas, its a gay club lol. there was a drag show and it was hott. Matt from school was there, and one of the Phi Kapp boys was there to, (hes not gay though). Umm yea. enough said bout that lol. so yea, i got home at 4 that morning and mom wasnt to happy lol. oh well

So monday i chilled with my momma. we went and picked up internet stuff, went to my work place that i dont get to start for another month. stupid things. back to mighty for a month. no good. but yea then ii got to go to practice. love practice. Heather was there! and we held pitching practice. i pitched and my sholder is killing me. but thats ok, im just back up pitcher this year. meaning pitching the starting game?? lol u know it. other than that first base is mine!! muhaha. coaching was fun, good times.

Then that night i was 3waying with my fav girliez and we were bout to go to bed and a car pulls up. so i get off the phone with them and who shows up.... JOSH, wearing a tux and caring a dozen roses how adorible. but he is just a friend, but a very good friend. i love him lol. (no worries to the boy of my dreams lol) we had a great time together. i missed him sooooo much. so yup another late night lol. got in at 6:30 lol. good nicdawg.

So thats it, its tuesday, and things are still weird. i dont want to be home. i want to be with ivy and steff. they are my world, my life, my roomits!! (yea remember that guys lol) so for 3.5 months, i will be here feeling alone w/out them. they are both a part of me, and those parts are missing. i dont know how im gonna make it through these months without u guys. i love u both and i miss u like a fat kid likes cake, or something like that. Sry steff i know u have mixed feelings bout fat kids lol

oooh man steff, i was unpacking and i found this thing that u helped me write for my history class first simester. it talks bout fat kids lol. and that was way before i knew u had issues with that lol. i should have known. well ive written too much and its 1:11 (i wish for neil) so peace out..... missin my crew love u

Last Day at Da Port

2005-05-13T13:37:00.000-04:00

so today is the last day at the port. everyone is moving out and its kinda sad. well not really yet, but dave and neil are leaving today so that will be sad. my fav people are leaving tomorrow with me but it will be ok. i will get to see them lots over the summer. not as much as i would like but i gotta work to beable to chill with them next year in mortimer!! cant wait. so i just found out today that i can possibly be living at alex's house all summer. you all know what that means.....an amazing mom, a best friend to wake up to (a different room of course), and the internet!!! This way i dont have to live at home aka hell. so i will be a much happier kid. and there is no problem with my mom. cuz she told me to move out last wednesday. so yeah!! all i gotta do is deal with getting to softball and work, which shouldnt be to much of a problem. the girls can pick me up for practice and games, and i can always walk to work. happy times!! now the summer isnt looking to bad.

i really dont wanna leave the port though......so here we go....heres my goodbyes :(

EVRY~ im gonna miss you like woah. i love you so much. you got me through a whole lot this year. your deff my bestest friend in the whole world and ive only known you since august. i dont know how im gonna be able to get through 3.5 months without u. i'll be there for ur birthday, and we will deff hang out whenever we can. i love you soooo much. official roomits next year!!

Steff~Dawg~~I love you too, no worries. im in the love club so i have lots of lovz to go around. you were deff a savior this year. i would have had to live with brie all year. eeww. your nut and thats so cool. what am i gonna do this summer when i need someone to sing for me? or make up random songs when they drink rum lol. oh and have u ever seen the side of the ocean? that was a great night. we will deff do it up when we get back. gonna miss u as a roomit but u will always be my roomit. we will probably have ur bed slide in and out from mine. u will b the next ervy! gonna miss u roomit.

Dave~~Your the best dude here. im gonna miss you like woah. i cant believe you are leaving in about 2 hours. no good. maybe i will chill with u this summer when u come to buffalo for shows and stuff. haha mr. 2weeker. i just remembered that. good times, good times. next year in mortimer there are 12 floors so u might wanna swich to like 1 week to fit in all the girls lol. make sure u swing by my room for my week lol. love you dave. thx for everything this year. cant wait to see u next year. gonna miss u sooo much.

Neil~ i wish for u!! im gonna miss you to. i dont really know what to say bout it though cuz its u. lol. what to say to u? i dont even know lol. but i love u neil. still disapointed but its all good. no worries. im sure ive disapointed u many times lol. classes were fun with u. good thing u paid attention. u should b in all my classes so i know whats going on all the time lol. well im gonna miss u neil. have a great summer, and see u in mortimer next year cuz i know ur gonna get in!

Erika~ Future roomit!! love you. im glad u didnt leave yet. and even gladder that ur gonna be living with us next year. we couldnt think of anyone better to be there. as soon as we heard shannon wasnt gonna b with us we thought of u. we love you and we cant wait to chill with u next year. we can save u from julie lol. maybe u can actually chill in the room next year. but yea, im gonna miss u lots this summer. cant wait to see u again. summers are no good.

To the rest of the Porterz~ i love you all, gonna miss you all, and i know all of u will be in mortimer next year lol. gonna be great times! cant wait for Fall 2005! see y'all soon! lovz and missez.....peace

In just 4 short days

2005-05-10T21:59:00.000-04:00

In just 4 short days im going home to a land unknown.
But in 3.5 months i will be back to...
**Chill with my b-porterz
**Chill with my suitits
**Go to Phi Kapps!!
**Annoy a new RA
**Eat chicken Fajita Pitas
**Live right next to trax
**Not have to cook for myself
**Wake up and have my best friends in the room with me
**never have to be alone
**go out on thursday nights, cuz its the thing to do
**Sing songs with the finest (broom room anyone?)
**Stay up till 3 in the morning to just talk bout girl stuff
**IM the girliez even though they are right next to me
**Do the 11 min challenge
**Get completly drunk and say that my roomit is a beatles fan
**Yell at the RD and RA
**Use the word "potato" or be "potatoed"
**never be bored
**have the time of my life
**But most importantly...to be with the people i love the most and will never leave!

Im gonna miss my b-port crew, but i will always be here for you... Love you'all

Lately

2005-05-10T21:35:00.000-04:00

So alot has been going on lately. Got finals and the last week of school. i got my new room assignment and im stuck with some narches by the names of Steff and Erika!! there might even be another narch in there.....the biggest of them all. goes by the name of ive dawg. no good. they left a spot open in my room for her. but for now i have it all to myself. (Mortimer 407 **4090**)everyone whos anyone in macvicar will be in the same building with us! Mortimer!! great times to come. soon dave and neil will be put in there and we will all be happy Mortimer kids!

Im thinkin things with nick will finally be normal. lol. no relationship, no nothing. that totally isnt working. i like him way to much and yea, that doesnt really work i guess. so with the whole boy situation, ive kinda given up for awhile. love isnt in my favor and im pretty much fine with that. whatever happens happens, and if things do happen with nick then thats cool to. but for now, im gonna put that thought far out of my head, cuz he isnt ready and hurting myself over it isnt really the way to go. so im much happier now lol. friendalos we are and thats awesome.

****and nick, sry bout everything bad that happened.... ive had great times with u.... i do regret stuff but oh well,.... you live and u learn....and im glad i got to learn stuff with u....friendalos forever****

And lastly, frienalos are the best. one inparticular...and you know who you are... you are getting me through so much stuff that i never thought i would get through so fast. ive gone from miserable to ok in just a few weeks and i have you to thank. things have been nuts with me, and you have been there every step of the way. i love you for that, and i cant wait to come home and chill with u and have the most amazing times cuz we are the best of friendalos! maybe one day i will be back to my normal self again, and i know i would have you to thank. i just wanna be normal nickerz again.... trust needs to come and im sure with your help i can get there.

Last Weekend At Da Port

2005-05-08T23:15:00.000-04:00

Friday was the last day of classes and it was an amazing day. I only went to class for a half hour cuz the one was cut way short, and i decided that the second one should be canceled! So for my last day of classes only a half hour is amazing!! I wouldnt have even gone to that one but I had to get the questions for my final that i have on monday. So when i get back from class Ivy was like...hey nic i found a guy on facebook that you would really like. so i was like oh no not another facebook boy. (we have had problems with nuts-o-boys on facebook)...... so i looked at his picture and it was a picture of Lance Bass!! How bad could this guy be right? exactly lol. so i was like eh i will IM him and say hi or something. so yea, we got to talking and i was like hey there the Rock da Campus event and we should chill. so we did. this kid is wicked funny let me tell ya. He is gonna be a great friendalo. we went shopping, to the duck pond and to dinner. it was a swell time. We are probably gonna chill with Anthony after my final tomorrow. I cant wait cuz the whole time im with him, i dont stop laughing lol. so yea

After Anthony left the girliez and i decided that we wanna play at the festivle more. So i go and change my cloths cuz it was hella hot, so i was in a mini skirt and strappless tangtop. no good for playing. so on our way back we see the 3ed floor boys, and they are the boys from the sock game we have been playing for like over a month. and we are like shit they are gonna call cory and he is gonna kill us. so we book it. As we are running away we see this boy with a white hat and thats typical cory so we book it into the FOB building to hide from him. We send ivy and jamie to get the jeep and steff and i scale down the building and jump into the jeep. We decide to drive by the boy we THOUGHT was cory and wave......it wasnt cory lol. so yea. good practice though. but yea lol. the festivel was hot! i raced ivy in some obsticle course, there were bulls, dunk tanks, rock climbing, and a comedian from SNL. i think his name was Jim Beruges or soemthing like that. i dont even know. hella funny guy though. ..... oh and that night i went to see ivy and steff perform in dime a dance. they were hott!

So after that was all over we went back to the dorm and i stayed up till 4 in the morning working on my final while the girls slept and got ready for the best day ever! At 4 in the morning we took off for the big city...thats right NYC!! we were going to a 1:00 YANKEE game!! The city is hot. it was my first time there and i loved it. i totally wanna live there when i get older. maybe i should go to school there or something. i dont even know. but yankee game was hott!. i got a hot dog, and it was amazing lol. you cant have a baseball game w/out a hot dog lol. the yankees won!! broke their 4 lossness! go team! some cops kicked ppl out for fighting. great times. love the city. Thanks to IVY for an amazing time!! so after that we drove to long island and crashed at ivy's aunt's house. great times there too. i got to see steelee poo!! good times. we had pizza and bagles!! love that food from the island! then sunday at noon we drove all the way back to school ahhh!!

now its the last week, going home saturday..... no good lol. peace out now

Today

2005-05-06T13:49:00.000-04:00

Today i have realized a lot. ive learned so much over the last month (but i'll keep that to myself, dont wanna upset anyone). but im glad everything happened cuz w/out it then i wouldnt know a lot. tonight is gonna be fun...... last day of class = festivel with a Lance Bass lookalike and his roommie, and robbing the book store ($120 for selling books back, hell yea!!). then 4am drive to NYC for the Yankee Game!! gotta love college! especially when you learn more outside the classroom than inside!

Umm Yup

2005-05-04T23:34:00.000-04:00

Angela Wolf always has the best away messages that mean so much to me lately

Wait for the guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heart beat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you are just as pretty without makeup, one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you, the one who turns to his friends and says, "That's her."

Realizing everyday that the boy of my dreams might not want me as the girl of his.....well see what happens this summer

Confusion

2005-05-03T01:08:00.000-04:00

So what do you do when u have fallen for someone but they are not ready to date. They are ready to be in a "Relationship" but not date? Give them time of course. but with time there comes questions and maybe someone could answer these for me..... Is it that he just really needs time and it will work if he gets time? Is it me? Does he not want to be seen with me as his gf? Is there another girl? Does he like another girl? am i just gonna be his summer girl? will i ever be his girl? i dont even know. there are so many thoughts and questions going through my head right now. and when i was asking him some i think i just hurt him. he just said that he was sry that he couldnt date me right now. so where does that leave me? again more quesitons... should i move on cuz there is no chance? but i dont want to. i really like him, a lot. more than any guy ive ever liked. possibly more than any nsync boy. yea i know thats a major shocker. but ive liked him longer than the nsync boys to. (lol i love how nsync has to do with everything) do i wait for him? but how long will i have to wait? and how long is to long to wait? the more the questions form in my head the more it sux. i dont knwo what to do. i know that i want to wait for him, i want to be with him, i want it to work. i want to know that he doesnt like another girl and she is just a cool friend. all in all i want him.

oh i just realized that it is offically May 3! Happy Birthday to my Navy Boy!! Love you bro! Im soo proud of you! and your 21 now!! hehe good times to come when u get home from the navy! Do it up big bro!!! love you sooooo much. wish u were home to help me out. LOVZ

Words of the Wise ~Ang

2005-05-02T23:13:00.000-04:00

"Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart. But if it doesn't, be content that it grew in yours."
~Things will work out for the best im sure~

This sums up da port and the great times with my girliez

2005-05-01T23:08:00.000-04:00

Some say that time changes
best friends become strangers
but i dont want that, not for us
if we just stay with eachother we can make it through
so here we are again the same old argument
now im wondering if things will ever change
when will you laugh again
laugh like you did back when
we'd make noise til 3am
and the neighbors would complain

all the things we talk about
you know they stay on my mind,
all the things we laugh about
they'll bring us through it every time
after time, after time

gonna miss you all but for this min in time i think it is best for me to go home for the summer. nick and i probably need this lol. and u know i love you girls and we will be together a lot this summer. no worries. but i guess summer break is here for a reason, we cant forget our friends at home, and they to are special to us. some not as much but still. we still love them and our families and i guess we could give them 3 months of chillin with us each year lol. i still love and will miss you all. i love my fav. bporterz (Erv!!!!, Steff, Erika, Shan, Dave, Neil, Matt (both of u), Manderz) i couldnt have made it through this year without you guys. peace and lovz for the summer. i dont know if im gonna have internet so i might not talk to y'all till we get back. maybe. who knows. whatever happens, happens. lovz

Convo With Alex

2005-04-29T23:32:00.000-04:00

The convo with alex tonight made me realize how lucky i am to have someone like nick in my life.........

Nick your amazing and i would never do anything to hurt you. your have deff changed me for the best and i thank you for that. Ive done some stupid things in my past that you would never agree with, but thanks to the asshole and you things have changed. i had a bottle of vodka in front of me and i wasnt even tempted to have any. before you i would have downed the whole bottle. your amazing and i cant wait for a great summer with u.

helium time!!! "who needs alchy when you have helium"~the erv!

Summer

2005-04-21T14:44:00.000-04:00

A few days ago i found out that Ivy isnt going to b able to live with me this summer, at least not until july at the earliest. For some reason her parents wont let her, but i guess its understandable cuz they like her. but who wouldnt. Her dad gave her the false hope of maybe being able to come live with me in July, but then he said the same thing about the summer, so im not gonna get my hopes up this time. This summer is gonna be hella weird. My brother is getting married, its just a court wedding but thats cool for him. My best friend moves to texas on may 28, ( i return from college may 14). so yea thats gonna sux. Alex isnt my bf anymore (not complaining about that, no worries) but because of it our mutual friends are gonna be weird. Joey and Steve i love you guys. your wicked funny, and so much fun to chill with. Im hoping that we can still hang even though im not with alex. I know u guys like me better than his new girl anyway hehe, so it will be all cool im thinkin. There is always a chance for some other stuff though, that i wont mention directly right now. If i pass some "exams" then it will be sweet. Maybe the summer wont be to bad after all if that happens. It will deff make my summer thats for sure.

But talking about summer means that school is ending soon. I dont want it to end ever. I love the ppl here. Ivy and Steff im gonna miss sooo much. What am i gonna do w/out them? Ivy said she is gonna visit me but its kinda a long as drive. im hopeing she does cuz if not im gonna be so lost. ivy no suprize visits cuz i hate suprizes. lol. but that would b awesome. u better come visit cuz im gonna miss u. ur birthday is gonna be sweet. love you lots. ahh class time and im not done writting. oh well. gotta bounce.

BELLY

2005-04-17T21:43:00.000-04:00

I finally decided to get my belly button pierced. lol mommy is gonna kill me. but its all good. i had to avoid my paper somehow. only cost $25, not bad at all. I got cute purple dice. i like it! I hope it doesnt hurt during the softball season cuz that would sux to slide on my tummy. good thing i dont do that. lol i did finish one of those papers though!

Wicked Funny Article

2005-04-16T18:33:00.000-04:00

http://www.ubersite.com/m/58073

Weekend Fun

2005-04-11T00:24:00.000-04:00

This weekend was hella fun. Nick came up to see me, he is a wicked awesome friend. We just chilled and caught up on the good ole friend stuff. It was awesome. We had the bestest time ever. We flew kites, watched movies, played catch and drove in the van. The van is hott lol. But yup hella fun! Lovz to the girlz to! hehe **giggles**

This Explains It All

2005-04-10T13:26:00.000-04:00

A year has past and now we stand on the brink of returning to a world where we are surrounded by the paradox of everything yet nothing being the same. In a few weeks we will reluctantly give our hugs and, fighting the tears, say goodbye to the people who were once just names on a sheet of paper to return to people that we hugged and fought tears to say goodbye to before we ever left. We will leave our best friends to return to our best friends. We will go back to places we came from and go back to the same things we did last summer and every summer before. We will come into town on that same familiar road, and even thought it has been months, it will seem like only yesterday.

As you walk into your old bedroom, every emotion will pass through you as you reflect on the way your life has changed and the person you have become. You suddenly realize that the things that were most important to you a year ago don't seem to matter so much anymore, and the things you hold highest now, no one at home will completely understand. Who will you call first? Where are you going to work? Who will be at the party Saturday night? What has everyone been up to? Who from school will you keep in touch with? How long before you actually start missing people bargaining in without calling or knocking? Who will get breadsticks with you at three in the morning? How long until you adjust to sleeping in a room by yourself, or how long before you realize your three best friends aren't in the bed next to your room?

Then you realize how much things have changed, you realize the hardest part of college is balancing the two completely different worlds you now live in, trying desperately to hold on to everything all the while trying to figure out what you have to leave behind. In the matter of one day's traveling time, we will leave our world of living next door to our best friends, walking across campus to eat, instant messenger, 8:00 classes, and perpetual procrastination to a world that will seem foreign to us despite the fact that we have lived in it for nineteen years.

But it is different now... We now know the meaning of true friendship. We know whom we have kept in touch with over the past year and whom we hold dearest to our hearts. We've left our high school worlds to deal with the real world. We have had our hearts broken, we've fell in love, we've helped our best friends through the toughest times of their lives, something their even best friends at home couldn't be there for. We've stayed up all night just to be there for a friend. We've partied the night away, doing stupid stuff, but we were always there for each other afterwards. There have been times when we've felt so helpless being hours away from home when we know our families or friends needed us most, and there are times when we know we have made a difference.

A few weeks from now we will leave. A few weeks from now we take down our pictures, and pack up our clothes. No more going next door to do nothing for hours on end. We will leave our friends whose random emails and phone calls will bring us to laughter and tears this summer. We will take our memories and dreams and put them away for now, saving them for our return to this world.A few weeks from now from now we will arrive. A few weeks from now from now we will unpack our bags and have dinner with our families. We will drive over to our best friend's house and do nothing for hours on end. We will return to the same friends whose random emails and phone calls have brought us laughter and tears over the past year. We will unpack old memories and dreams that have been put away for the past year.

A few weeks from now we will dig deep inside to find the strength and conviction to adjust to change and still keep each other close. And somehow, in someway, we will find our place between these two worlds.

In a few weeks.... are you ready?

I know im not ready. What am I gonna do without my b-porterz. College has been the best thing to ever happen to me. I have gotten threw so much stuff here and i couldnt have done it without them. Sleeping in my room at home all alone is gonna be wicked weird. I havent spent more than 2 full days w/out ivy and now i might have to spend 3 months w/out her. She has saved me from the stupidest mistakes ever and i dont want anything to happen this summer if she isnt there. What am i gonna do w/out Steff~Dawg? Whenever im having a bad day she is always there saying the stupidest funniest shit. its awesome. I love everyone here at brockport and home is completly different. No b/f , my best friend is moving to texas and my softball team is completly different. Im the only one left from the softball crew cuz im the young one! I donno, Ivy might live with me this summer, which would be the best thing in the world. It would save me from a lot, i really need her there. I hope her parents will let her go w/out knowing whats really up. and Nick will be around! We tight now, finally after 6 years we are finally good FRIENDS. lol for anyone that needs clearing up. Its gonna be hella weird this summer, i just cant wait to get back to school at the end of august and this year hasnt even ended yet. i love the port!

Another Night at the Frat Boys

2005-04-03T11:55:00.000-04:00

We had a great night at the boys place. Steff made out with some dude from cali whos name sounds like a medicaine, ivy was danceing with the shyest boy around, and i was a good girl for once! Until we got back that is. Jess and Jeff pissed me off a lot and called the cops on my roomit. she is the best kid around. just cuz she was pukeing. who gives a shit. its brockport. i thought this school wasnt a pansey school. guess not. but ne way it was hella fun. and this is what my away message said last night lol.

fuch u jess. who fucken cals up on the best girsld in the work. she is a fuck ne beatles fan. who fucken doens that. fuchk jeff to. i dont fuck en care. she ahds a feam that cares. call fuken up on me. id uck htem up to. fuc,m u macvicar4.

Easter Weekend

2005-03-30T19:18:00.000-05:00

Easter weekend was amazing. I went home cuz thats what i was suppost to do and i brought Steff and Iverz with me. We decided to go a day early so that we could hang out with Heather and then Nick. Heather is one of my coolest friends from home and my softball team, and Nick is hella amazing and a potential boy friend. But then he has been since like the 7th grade so who knows.

So Saturday we got in around 1 or so and we chilled at my house with my mommy. I missed her lots. Found out that Jimmi is out of jail and home! We tried to find him but that didnt work and as soon as i pulled out of the driveway to find Jimmi, Nick called. Now since i was driving i couldnt talk on the phone, so Ivy had to. I was so nervous anyway, i wouldnt have been able to talk to him. He had to stay at work a little later so we had an extra hour to kill before we hung out with him. So im thinkin great i have to be nervous a lot longer but its all good. I decided to call my dear friendalo Sarah and hang out with her. She had no clue i was coming over so it was sweet. Before we went there we stoped at my elementary school and played on the new playground. Its wicked awesome. Lots of high-tex stuff and all. lol yea. so we went to Sarah's and just talked and caught up. She was so excited that i was hanging out with nick. me hangin with nick is kinda a big thing, has been forever. everyone wants it to happen, and now it kinda is! So he called while i was chillin in Sarah's room and i was freakin out. So nervous, i had no clue what to say. But yea, the phone call meant that it was time to go chill with nick!!!

We decided to play basketball! Who wouldnt wanna do that? there is physical contact lol. So yea, that was fun and Ivy and Steff said it was hella cute. Hehe thats all that matters to me. Im all about the cuteness. So yea we played for a long time, and then it started to get cold. But i didnt want to leave cuz i thought he would go home and i wouldnt be able to see him for 2 weeks. So after a lil while longer we got into the jeep and started to drive to nick's house, when he mentioned that he didnt have to go home. So we went to the mall! I was so excited to beable to hang wiht him still. lol. We had noting to do at the mall at all so we decided to play pool after awhile. Nick is amazing at pool, but he wasnt on his game that night. "im nervous, i want to impress you" yea thats right thats what he said lol. how freekin cute. so yea. i played on nick's team and ivy and steff were on a team. they beat us once and we beat them 3 times. it was awesome. So yea, it was hella cute. the whole night was. We finally took nick home at 10, 5 1/2 hours after we picke him up. lol so much fun. i almost died though. How am i gonna handel a whole weekend with him in my bed? lol. After that we tried to get a hold of Alex, Joey and Steve, but they were going to a movie and we didnt really wanna go. So yup we called it a night after a stop to get roller dogs lol.

Sunday was pretty sweet to. we went to my g-mas! love her. and thats bout it

The weekend was wicked awesome to me. i know it sounds hella boring, but hangin with nick was the best. cant wait to do it again. love that boy, always have..

QUOTES FROM THE WEEKEND
"I gotta get mad hopps yo"
"Im nervous, I want to impress you"
"you closed your legs, not cool"
haha amazing times!

10 years

2005-03-25T21:40:00.000-05:00

From the day I met you and 10 yrs from now

Dear Diary
Britney Spears

Dear diary
Today I saw a boy
And I wondered if he noticed me
He took my breath away

Dear diary
I can't get him off my mind
And it scares me'
Cause I've never felt this way

No one in this world
Knows me better than you do
So diary I'll confide in you

Dear diary
Today I saw a boy
As he walked by I thought he smiled at me

And I wondered
Does he know what's in my heart
I tried to smile, but I could hardly breathe

Should I tell him how I feel
Or would that scare him away
Diary, tell me what to do
Please tell me what to say

Dear diary
One touch of his hand
Now I can't wait to see that boy again

He smiled
And I thought my heart could fly
Diary, do you think that we'll be more than friends?
I've got a feeling we'll be so much more than friends

Boredom

2005-03-25T20:31:00.000-05:00

So im hella bored and kinda missing home a lot. havent really been there in like forever. Its been since august that ive been there for more than 3 days. SO ive been reading some bloggs of friends from home remembering the good times we used to have. Man do i miss all of u. I cant wait till summer when we can all hang out again. The party crew, al, joe, steve, sarah, heather, and the whole softball team, steve c, everyone. i miss you guys so much. So ne way i found this in steve's blogg and since im bored im gonna fill it out lol. kinda similar to the other one but much longer.

LAYER ONE:
-- Name: Niki
--Birth date: 9/4/86
-- Birthplace: Buffalo, NY
-- Current Location: Brockport, NY
-- Eye Color: Hazel
-- Hair Color: brown
--Height: 5'4"
-- Righty or Lefty: righty
-- Zodiac Sign: Virgo

LAYER TWO:
-- Your heritage: Polish, Irish and German
-- The shoes you wore today: Sketchers
-- Your weakness: jealousy
-- Your fears: not finding someone and spending the rest of my life alone
-- Your perfect pizza: cheese, or chicken finger pizza mmmm
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: forensics scientist

LAYER THREE:
-- Your most overused phrase on AIM: "aww"
-- Your thoughts first waking up: Today is gonna sux, i wanna go back to bed
-- Your bedtime: I dont live at home so there is no bed time, well Jess seems to think there is sometimes lol. lovz to the RA
-- Your most missed memory: NSYNC concerts with my best friends. i loved all 5 and the justin concert. wouldnt have been the same without my girlies there.

LAYER FOUR:
-- Pepsi or Coke: ???? Pepsi
-- McDonald's or Burger King: McDonalds
-- Single or group dates: Single dates are hella cute 0:)
-- Adidas or Nike: Nike
-- Ice Tea or Nestea: dont like either
-- Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla
-- Cappuccino or coffee: french vanilla cappuccino mmm

LAYER FIVE:
-- Smoke: nope
-- Cuss: i didnt b4 i got to college. but something about it here makes u wanna swear at the world and its all ivy's fucken fault.
-- Sing: all the time
-- Take a shower everyday: so fresh and so clean clean
-- Have a crush: same one for like 6 yrs. but the backups are always crushed on a lil
-- Do you think you've been in love: deff
-- Want to go to college: i am in college. go brockport!!
-- Like(d) high school: high school was alright, the whole time i was in it i wanted to leave so bad. couldnt wait to go. but now i miss it kinda. not the annoying teachers that wouldnt get off your back about everything, but i miss the atmosphere, the funny kids getting into fights for no reason, the locker times lol, morning crew. it was amazing.
-- Want to get married: of course
-- Believe in yourself: yup, "just believe in yourself oooh oooh oooh oooh, some folks try to tell u there are things you shouldnt do...." love nsync lol
-- Get motion sickness: totally
-- Think you're attractive: no but, the boys think im the cute one lol
-- Think you're a health freak: never
-- Get along with your parent(s): love my mommy
-- Like thunderstorms: they are pretty, but i hate them when im trying to sleep, can never sleep when it rains. dont know why
-- Play an instrument: no
-- Drank alcohol: its the thing to do at b-port, but i dont do it anymore
-- Smoked: never 0:)
-- Done a drug: lol no 0:)
-- Had Sex: "i dont get it"
-- Made Out: yup
-- Gone on a date?: if u make out with someone shouldnt u go on a date first? ivy can tell u the answer to that
-- Gone to the mall?: duh i live there when i have money
-- Eaten an entire package of Oreos: STEFF
-- Eaten sushi: tried it for my main man JC
-- Been on stage: in first grade i was in this play. it was amaizng. i dont even remember much of it. there was a crown and it fell off of darel's head haha. so funny
-- Been dumped: yup thx al
-- Gone skating: yup and i even have my own ice skates now! thx al
-- Made homemade cookies: lol kimmi and i made these cookies once. they were green, and very special. we put in a little of everything. it was amazing. we were on a home made cookie fedish that day. it was awesome.
-- Dyed your hair: ya, light brown, carmel, and blond. donno what i was thinkin
-- Stolen anything: music off napster

LAYER SEVEN:
Ever...
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: yup
-- If so, was it mixed company: yes
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: hehe sry alex. jess and jeff im sry too, never again i promise
-- Been caught "doing something": lol i know this isnt exactly what its refering to but its funny ne way. the one time alex and i were makeing out in the den and "watching" a movie and his dad comes upstairs and saw us. lol he just kinda was like umm and we finally noticed he was there. it was so funny. cuz later that night alex's dad and mom were makeing out and his dad was like "what if u 2 can do it so can we" it was great. lol
-- Been called a tease: totally lol
-- Gotten beaten up: nope
-- Shoplifted: nope
-- Changed who you were to fit in: my first time going out to a party, wont mention age lol i totally didnt drink but then dan gave me a litter of vodka and was like drink this. i had no clue what it was, but i did it ne way to fit it. i used to tell myself that i wouldnt drink ever. lol opps. but its hella fun now.

LAYER EIGHT:
-- Age you hope to be married: umm depends on when i find the right guy. maybe like mid 20s or early 30s. 30s kinda sound late but im getting up there in age so i donno.
-- Numbers and Names of Children: i so want twins but thats totally not gonna happen. apple and auston are cool names. but who knows. thats up to me and the hubby!
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: this could take all day so i will sum it up. pretty and cute. white dress. huge white dress. flowing pretty. amazing guy. maybe a beach but i donno. something cute, i think outside. ahh cant wait. but deff gonna cuz partying is way to much fun, oh and my bro has to walk me down the aile cuz father isnt invited
-- How do you want to die: eh? still in a meddow peacefully...or something like that
-- Where you want to go to college: Brockport is the place to be
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: forensic scientist
-- What country would you most like to visit: austrailia

LAYER NINE:
In a guy/girl...
-- Best eye color? : blue
-- Best hair color?: blond
-- Short or long hair: short
-- height: taller than me
-- Best weight: random question
-- Best first date location: flying kites lol 0:)
-- Best first kiss location: first kiss is special enough, doesnt matter where it is.

**k just because i prefer these doesnt mean i am describeing any type of boy. the boy i am totally crushing on does not have blond short hair but id chose him over everyone else. it has been that way for 6 yrs now lol**

LAYER TEN:
-- # of drugs taken illegally: now why would i do that 0:)
-- # of people I could trust with my life: trust is not a good issue with me right now. i dont really trust anyone. once the person u trust the most in life betrays you, u dont really think u can ever trust anyone again. i dont know if i ever will trust people. kinda keeping things to myself for a long time. that way it cant get out to ppl i dont want to know the info. yea im shutting up cuz im still really pissed off about that. so trust people nope not one
-- # of CDs that I own: hella lot
-- # of piercings: 3 in my ears and my tounge, and the newest my belly button... sry mommy but i love u
-- # of tattoos: none yet, butterfly and softball one next year
-- # of scars on my body: probably a lot of little ones. but one on my right arm from surgery when i was in 5th grade. and a funny one on my lower back from the first night i got drunk at brockport. i was watching steff and country dave play cards and i fell right over onto the rug lol. its a way to remember i guess lol. hella good times.
-- # of things in my past that I regret: maybe like 2... the whole don issue, what was i thinkin and trusting in people

Best Friends

2005-03-23T10:41:00.000-05:00

Sometimes i wonder if its even worth it. People feel like they need someone to tell all there fears and great times to. But why, so they can post it online for everyone who wants to read? You trust your best friends with ur life, but is it really worth it? In the end mostlikely they are just gonna fuck you over and do something that could ruin ur life. They might not mean to but they have the key to do so in only a simple 5 min. So im not even sure if its worth it. Ivy, u messed up big time. I never thought bout hiting u, i didnt think u would b worth the time or effort. U need to start thinking about stuff. I dont know if we will ever be friends again, deff not like we were thats for sure. Im not sure if ur worth it.

To the Erv

2005-03-22T00:15:00.000-05:00

im sorry, i just love u and want to look out for u. today has been nuts and i just want everything to be cool. i just dont trust or believe u ne more. i dont think u take this seriously. we care a lot and u should to

it had to happen

2005-03-21T18:19:00.000-05:00

So today we finally talked to ivy.............again. it had to be done. hopefully now she sees that its not just me being a rere, we really do care about her and we dont want her reputation to continue. i was very nice to. didnt say half the stuff i was thinking! filtered out the mean things and turned it into a positive converstation. i hope all works with it. but im not so sure its gonna matter to her. got a backup for that though.

last day of spring break

2005-03-18T18:32:00.000-05:00

"i wouldnt do anything with him, he is like my brother" enough said

For Steve

2005-03-18T12:33:00.000-05:00

Hey buddy! i wanted to talk to u but u werent online. ur still a cool kid though. im drinkin mike. he is yummy. and 1 mike make me go woooo! thats so bad. 11:30 in morning is not a drinkin time. never. 2 mikes r fun. no more mike after this. smirnie next! yumm yumm in my tum. wish u were online so i could talk to u. hehe. dont tell steff. bye

ummm yup

2005-03-17T23:09:00.000-05:00

2gether "girl the way you do me"

I see the sky turning black
I wish my mom would loan me
A Couple Of Prozac
But I won't let it get to

Survey cuz im hella bored

2005-03-17T18:42:00.000-05:00

*TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey*
Name:	Nicole
Birthday:	9/4
Birthplace:	Buffalo
Current Location:	Buffalo
Eye Color:	Blue
Hair Color:	Brown
Height:	5'4"
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right
Your Heritage:	Polish, Irish, German
The Shoes You Wore Today:	I didnt wear shoes today
Your Weakness:	Ice cream Sundaes
Your Fears:	The future freaks me out
Your Perfect Pizza:	Taco Pizza (only from a buffalo place)
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Steeling Ivy
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	aww
Thoughts First Waking Up:	Why am i awake this early
Your Best Physical Feature:	The cuteness factor
Your Bedtime:	3am
Your Most Missed Memory:	All the NSYNC concerts
Pepsi or Coke:	Pepsi
McDonalds or Burger King:	McDonalds
Single or Group Dates:	Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Lipton Ice Tea
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Cappuccino
Do you Smoke:	Nope
Do you Swear:	Only when influenced by Ivy
Do you Sing:	Yup
Do you Shower Daily:	Yup
Have you Been in Love:	yup
Do you want to go to College:	I am in college
Do you want to get Married:	I Do
Do you belive in yourself:	I believe in miracles
Do you get Motion Sickness:	boats sux
Do you think you are Attractive:	nope
Are you a Health Freak:	no
Do you get along with your Parents:	kinda
Do you like Thunderstorms:	no
Do you play an Instrument:	no
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	Does every day count?
In the past month have you Smoked:	no
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	no
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	yea
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	yea
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	no thats steffs job
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	no
In the past month have you been on Stage:	no
In the past month have you been Dumped:	no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	no
Ever been Drunk:	yup
Ever been called a Tease:	yea
Ever been Beaten up:	no
Ever Shoplifted:	no
How do you want to Die:	peacefully in a meddow
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	forensic genius
What country would you most like to Visit:	aulstralia
*In a Boy/Girl..*
Favourite Eye Color:	blue
Favourite Hair Color:	brown
Short or Long Hair:	short (except nick)
Height:	tall
Weight:	154 3/7 or something like that
Best Clothing Style:	prep
Number of Drugs I have taken:	0
Number of CDs I own:	lots
Number of Piercings:	4
Number of Tattoos:	none, but thinking bout 2 within the next year (butterfly and a softball)
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	2ish

Party Time

2005-03-17T14:19:00.000-05:00

Last night was hella fun. I was so scared that mommy was gonna flip the whole time so i tried to act as sober as possible. Im pretty good at that. Amanda (Derz Dawg) is a major light weight. She was puking and it was pretty funny. She did the whole hick up thing lol. It was fun. She brought me aftershock. love u Derz! Steff talked on the phone with Steve (my friend from b lo) all night. lol i guess its her turn now. I think that would be cute. and Steff i dont care. So yea. it was hella fun. We had scooters, beer pong, birds, and lots of alchy. Couldnt have been a better night lol. well i guess it could have but still.

Nick got his tattoo yesterday. well i think he did anyway. i cant wait to see it when he comes to visit me! That weekend will be hella fun too and we arent even drinking lol. go us!! Im hopeing it doesnt make the erv mad though. i dont know why it would, maybe a reverse tim weekend thing or something. hope not. love u erv.
so yea, i was wrong. he didnt get it yesterday. soon enough. march 30! good luck

Spring break is almost over though. :( I dont want it to ever end cuz that means time to do more work for 2 months and then miss all my bporters for 3 months. this summer is going to sux without them. i havent spent more than 3 days w/out ivy. i cant do 3 months. im gonna die. and plus, i just found out that i might not be able to play softball this summer cuz all the parks are closed. something about not enough money to run them or something. thats major bs. no softball and no bporters is totally not gonna work for me. maybe the boys and the party crew will keep me busy cuz if not ivy might kill me. sorry erv but if i dont have softball i cant occupy myself and then i wont even need to know whats going on. lol dont have line drives at my face so i dont need to worry.

well its time to go wake up the erv.

SPRING BREAK

2005-03-16T22:51:00.000-05:00

Today is party day!! or the start of party days! Daddy came home with a shit load of alchy for us!! Gotta love a small cheap party from daddy! I guess $100 is a cheap party lol. and mommy is hella mad. "did i pay for this?" lovz to u mommy lol. but vodka (absolute lol) and 2 cases of beer (mikes and smirnoff) sounds like a good night. oh and we cant forget. amanda is bringing my fav, aftershock and some bacardi. hehe hella fun. soon enough i wont be thinkin bout how scarry mommy is! hehe yeah. lovz to spring break and the love club. member since like 2 months ago lol.

A Blast From The Past

2005-03-10T03:19:00.000-05:00

I never thought how much stuff from the past would catch up with me in college. Lovz from back then are starting up again and im likeing it alot. Going from not talking for 3 yrs and then deciding to hang out and see what happens is extemely interesting. I cant wait to see what happens with that, its gonna be amazing. No pillow walls, and i will try not to be nervous lol. I just cant wait! lol

Friend

2005-03-10T03:16:00.000-05:00

K this is kinda directed towards just one person. We all knew you were gonna do it so why did u lie. nobody cares but when u lie to best friends its like ehh. i donno. doenst really bother me to much, just think its dumb. Sometimes the word slut comes to mind but then its your life, do what you want with it. I guess as long as u know that your friends will always be here ur gonna be fine. we will always stick by yourside no matter what u decide. so dont lie to us. no matter how large or small it may be. i will love you no matter what you do, i just want to be able to trust that u r telling me the truth. i love u no matter what!

wwwwwaaaaaaaaammmmmmmpppppp!!!!

2005-03-06T16:23:00.000-05:00

This weekend wasnt as bad as i thought. Friday night i chilled with Alex to try not to piss ive~dawg off, but that didnt happen. then Saturday we all had some fun! it was hella fun. OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH MMMAAANNN there were nijas, cowboys, bald people, head banging, bagle eatting, and even some boom chicky boom! all in all it was a good day! A few tears here and there never hurt nobody. but its all good now! And i think things happen for a reason and boy am i glad. So yea, Tim doesnt hate any of us! thats always good. Tim u can come back anytime and booom chicky booom with iverz if ud like. ur a cool kid, just had to look out for my best friend. sry if it was annoying, but sometimes its hard when you really love the girl. if i didnt like her i wouldnt have cared. Ivy u r special to me and thats why i care so much. Tim is cool and if i would have known that i wouldnt have said much. I know i told this to Steff but it goes for you tooo. You are my world, my life, my roommit/acrossit!! Lovz to you thats why its so hard. oh and one last thing. im a rere! Peace out. ( wwwwwwaaaaammmmmmppppp!! )

Blah

2005-03-03T05:40:00.000-05:00

This weekend is gonna sux. Its way to complicated. I just wanna go home and hang with my party crew. That would be so much fun, like the good old days. Those were hella fun, well the parts that i can remember. but not remembering is half the fun. i wish that nick would be here this weekend. that would be crazy cool. that might complicate things more, but id give up the world for that boy and he knows it. soon enough i will see him. hope im not setting myself up for another broken heart. one from that boy is enough. but with him im willing to risk it. thats so horrible, but worth it for him. time for class and failing another test. but if the whole class does again we get extra credit!! Peace out!!

mashed potato thoughts

2005-03-01T23:29:00.000-05:00

sometimes when i eat mashed potatoes i like to think. and so im eattin them and thinkin. so heres what im thinking today. its funny when ur in the worst mood ever and then u talk to someone and they make your day and u are so happy! i love it. i think i will b happy for a long time now. thanks bud I love u!!

Compys

2005-03-01T23:13:00.000-05:00

ahh i hate compys. i cant wait for them all to be fixed. All in the same day Steph's Ivy's and my compy broke down. mine got fixed so its like the only compy anyone ever uses. its all good but sometimes im like ahhhh. i dont really care, just sometimes im annoyed at something and i want to talk to a friend from home, or someone else. but of course school work comes first so i cant b like yo leave. and im a nice kid. but compys will be fixed and then there will be 3 instead of 1. cant wait!! and ivy im fine. this is not whats up.

Things are fun! Cant wait to have more fun! Miss the fun! Miss you to!

CANNED!!

2005-02-20T22:37:00.000-05:00

This morning at about 3:16 we all decided that we should can Jess, our favorit RA's door. We have been saving up 200 cans to that we could build a wall like no other. And that is what we did. We had Steff teh olympic gold metalist in stacking do it up like woah. Kelly helped out as much as she could for it being 3am. The whole floor came to see the most anticipated event of the year....or is it? It was hella fun though. So we took about 20 min for us to stack the whole wall up and it did not wake Jess up at all. We even all blessed the last can and said a little prayer. It was awesome! Then we had to decide how we should go about it. Should we camp out all night? We thought about this and even brought all of our blankets and pillows out into the hall. Then we thought that we might miss the fall of the cans if we stayed there because we were all really tired. So what does Jess hate the most?...... ball in the hall..... so what did we do?..... played ball in the hall!!! Brie, Ivy, and Steff bounced balls as loud as they could, on Jess' wall and everything. Needless to say, she woke up. She opened her door and the tower of cans came tumbling down to the ground. Everyone ran far away, except me because I had a dutie. I had to tape the whole thing. I am the camera girl and i must do my job. So I got the priceless face of Jess on camera. She was so pissed off. It was great. Later that day she was so much happier. She didnt threaten to write us up anymore, and it was all good. She watched the tape and it was extremly funny. We even all signed a can and gave it to her. We got it all on tape and it is wicked funny. The best thing we have done so far this year!!

2005-02-20T19:40:00.000-05:00

You've Been Canned!!

Parties at the Port

2005-02-12T05:38:00.000-05:00

K so we had another crazy party night like always and it was hella fun. Matt and I had a whole lotta fun, and Brie walked in on it. I dont know what she saw, but i dont really care. Brie likes him but yea.... so do I. She just doesnt know how to "O" it up. But I do. I learned not to pass situations by anymore. So i had a lotta fun. I kinda feel bad cuz it feels like she is gonna punch me in the face. That would be really funny though. I didnt know she actually liked him until today. But its to late. Hella fun. Donno if it will ever happen again. Guess I just gotta talk to Matt soon and see whats going on. It would be lotsa fun though. I like that boy. and Alex, yes I do like another boy. Im sry, but we are not dateing anymore. I dont know if we ever will again. Im not sure what I want. Im learning that I dont need you and I can make it without you. That might have been the only reason I ever wanted to get back together. You were a security, but my friends are here for me if i need anything. Im lovin being me, and I feel like I can be now, especially since im not with you. Im sry. but it has to be said. Friends forever if you want, but nothing more.

Steele

2005-02-09T23:37:00.000-05:00

So the boy got a girlfriend 4 days before i was suppost to see him and have that whole v-day weekend. yea, i dont know what went on with that. I guess im just not good enough for him, even though i thought he liked me. Its all good though cuz Im in love with alex and its all good. One day things might work out again, but until then, im gonna live it up. Im not gonna pass things by that i should just go for. I guess i thought Steele knew, but he didnt. I should have told him but I didnt. and now its over before it ever started. Steele i hope you have fun with whoever she is. just remember that it could have been me. but you missed out. i hope you dont regret it cuz im done with it, and your not going to be able to have a second chance...... Drunken thoughts are always the best cuz its always what u want to say but never would sober.